Another article about how a POSITIVE approaches can help you develop a POSITIVE Divorce Recovery!
You
will find that you need to drop all negative thoughts before you can
look and see the POSITIVE and UPSIDES for your next chapters of life!
ONE
SHOULD ALWAYS TRY TO MAKE SOMETHING NEGATIVE INTO SOMETHING POSITIVE.
This story turn out better than expected and may have also influenced
the relationship after their divorce,
My book, mostly about the many
UPSIDES of divorce, can help you to find the positive sides too that are available
in and after divorce.
Search "upside of divorce" at Amazon Books and see my blogs (all of them, all 345) and see all the reviews. Thanks for a look!
Positive changes you can
make will build your self esteem, confidence and the want to do even
more positives for yourself and your family.
Take a look at my book below if you are interested. My book is all about the upsides.
Brian Daniel
Divorce
is Very Negative but You'll See ALL UPSIDES with Brian's Book,
Yes,There Is An Upside of Divorce, It Can Be Your Second Chance at Life!
My
book "Upside of Divorce" (short title) is available with a discount on
my tibodad@yahoo.com email and just $13 covers the 9 inch X 6 inch plus Postage,Shipping and Handling --You can save over $6 !!
You can search it on Amazon and buy it
there too.
AND, A KINDLE EDITION OF MY BOOK IS NOW AVAILABLE, for just $4.99!
Here is the article, Brian.
With Louise Redknapp reported to be on the verge of reuniting with
husband Jamie, Tanya Sweeney asks if a break could be the making of your
relationship
Theirs has been a split with all the ingredients of a dramatic
pot-boiler - a glamorous woman hitting the tiles with her new best mate;
meddlesome in-laws; a reported midlife crisis; tabloid headlines and
pap shots aplenty.
But Louise and Jamie Redknapp's marriage breakdown now
appears to have a third-act twist that few saw coming - a possible
reconciliation.
In the last few months, Louise has looked happier -
certainly, more outgoing - than ever on social media. Friends claimed
the former Eternal singer was 'testing' her footballer husband and that
her new lease of life was merely a ploy to show Jamie what he was
missing. It had been reported that the couple had been living
incompatible lives as they approached their 20th anniversary, with her
taste for fun and glamour a far cry from his preference for quiet nights
in.
For her part, Louise has revealed that problems had been
afoot as her marriage neared breakdown. But now, Louise (43) is
rethinking her split, with a source telling Now magazine: "Louise has
started to wobble and really misses Jamie and her family. It's all been a
hard call for her and there have been times when she's felt stronger
and times she felt weaker about being apart from Jamie."
So does a relationship 'sabbatical' ever work?
Dublin-based
florist Stella (not her real name) split from her husband Stephen at 44
after 15 years of marriage. When they decided to reunite, everyone
around them had an opinion on it: "Most of my friends thought we were
fooling ourselves, that once the seal was broken it could never be
repaired. Unfortunately, they were right and after a year of happiness,
we did ultimately separate for good.
Looking back, I think we were
merely prolonging the agony.
"We missed each other and figured there was enough good
stuff there to give it a second go. And being back on date nights was
amazing. But just because you think something's worth another shot,
doesn't mean it will necessarily work.
The cracks started reappearing,
worse than before. In the end, we both agreed that life was too short to
be miserable with each other." And the official statistics make for
unsettling reading. More second marriages end in divorce than first
marriages. In the US, around six per cent of divorced couples remarry
each other. Yet Psychology Today has stated that "a whopping 60pc of
remarriages fail. And they do so even more quickly; after an average of
10 years, 37pc of remarriages have dissolved versus 30pc of first
marriages".
In a recent study on couples who remarry, the reasons for
doing so varied among different age groups: young couples might divorce
on impulse and they chose to remarry and start again after careful
consideration; older couples remarried because they needed to care for
each other. About 70pc of the divorced couples remarried one another
because of their children. And two out of five respondents had simply
felt lonely after the divorce.
And so the question arises; is it sensible - or even safe -
to return to the scene of the proverbial crime? A bottomless pit of
clichés come to mind: people break up for a reason; once a cheater
always a cheater; the grass is always greener; too much water under the
bridge; absence makes the heart grow fonder (or at the very least, worry
about the mortgage more).
"I don't think it's madness if the couple has resolved their
reasons for breaking up," asserts marriage therapist David Kavanagh
(marriagetherapy.ie). "Sometimes it's as simple as someone wanting to
explore what it's like being single again, and they go on a date and
realise that the person they were with is more suitable a companion than
they ever gave them credit for.
"I've come across a lot of couples in my pre-marriage
courses where they split after five or six years together, do their own
things under the assumption they might get back together, and six months
later, they're in for a pre-marriage course."
Those who make a habit of breaking and making up, meanwhile, should probably exercise caution.
"This couple lives off the drama of breaking up and
reuniting," notes Kavanagh. "Something in their make-up means they don't
feel comfortable when all is fine and calm in their relationship. If,
for example, you grew up in a household and your parents had a difficult
and stormy relationship, the chaos becomes like second nature. They're
just not happy in a steady, boring relationship. They are addicted to
the first flush of love, that rush of blood to the head that you get."
But how do you ensure that a patched-up marriage doesn't wander back into similar territory?
"They've experienced loss and grieving on such a big scale
from the first time round, it's hard not to get coloured by that
experience," says marriage counselor Lisa O'Hara. "Fear is important,
normal and healthy because it stops people becoming complacent."
Adds Kavanagh: "[The chances of the marriage lasting]
depends on how the break-up happened. If a lot of stuff was thrown
around verbally and things got toxic, the damage done can result in an
unhealthy reunion. But if a couple broke up via mutual agreement and
they've grown apart, there's no reason why they can't reconnect."
Hoping to find a spark where one has been absent for a long
time is a fool's errand, notes Kavanagh: "If you have no attraction to
your partner, no amount of therapy will make this happen, and this is a
mistake a lot of people make. That spark won't magically reappear just
because you've gone to therapy and said it in front of a stranger."
"Long term partners need resilience to re-navigate through
difficulties," says O'Hara. "But you can discover how strong you can be.
If you see the relationship slipping back into old ways, you'll know
not to brush it under the carpet. Doing that is the death knell."
Kavanagh also acknowledges that slipping back into familiar dynamics is an all-too-common habit for reuniting couples.
"There's a big danger of that after the honeymoon period,"
he admits. "The trick is to try and maintain a permanency to the changes
you've made, and embedding them into the relationship. I suggest to
couples they should have a contract when they get married - they should
write down something legally binding about how they promise not to take
each other for granted. It's like a mission statement. You get them in
workplaces and they're there to help people stay on track."
He might be on to something. In her book The New I Do:
Reshaping Marriage For Skeptics, Realists And Rebels, Vicki Larson makes
the case for renewable marriage contracts. Conscious coupling, if you
will.
Larson suggests couples take an 'emotional' inventory every
seven years (or in some cases, before deciding whether or not to have
children), checking that values and feelings on the big stuff like
finance, having children and parenting styles still tally up. "If we had
renewable marriage contracts, we wouldn't have years of mean, passive
aggressive behaviour," says Larson. "You'd have to be held accountable.
That's the problem with the idea of longevity of commitment above all
else. Nothing holds people accountable for that behaviour."
