Monday, December 9, 2013

Need Help for Saving Money? (Most Divorced Partners Do)

Divorce has a way of making one more frugal, yes?

My posts about great divorce recovery involves having enough money for your post divorce life.

It occurred to me that I may be of some help with financial issues too for divorced and separated partners.

I have a MBA degree in Financial Management and have found many ways to save money for the future.

Over eleven years, I have found more frugal ways to live.

Maybe I can help you?

We can communicate in LinkedIn in a group "Beyond Divorce - Positive Divorce Recovery"

I am on twitter as BrianDaniel12 (twelve are last 2 digits)

Brian Daniel

Friday, December 6, 2013

The Serenity Prayer's Guidance for Moving On After Divorce

This prayer originated as help for alcoholics.

Their personal problems often keep them down with low self esteem, depression, hopelessness, anger and other negative thoughts surrounding their current state.

People in divorce have these problems too.

The very pointed message and emphasis of this prayer is to have the wisdom to know what things you can change and the things that you can't change. And to have the courage to change those things that you can change.

I used this prayer to quickly turn me from the negative side to the positive side of divorce.

Thinking about the many upsides of divorce will help to focus on changes that you can control.

Trying to make these changes is the start.
After you do the first one, the second change will come faster. 

(You can easily find the Serenity Prayer on the net.)

Brian Daniel

Thursday, December 5, 2013

How Are You Moving On? Do you want to Move On?

I probably have those 2 titles above backwards?

Divorce can cause you to pause.
Divorce can pause you for very long times.

Let's consider FIRST....Do you want to Move On?

If YES, that would suggest you have some willing to move on.
And that is good!

Spend some time on the second part of the title above, now that you are considering a positive step forward.

How Are You Moving On?

Consider some of the previous blogs on this site--these might help you here.

Brian Daniel

Friday, November 29, 2013

Did You Have a Good Thanksgiving?

I did and I hope you did too.

Even after 11 years of divorce, I still have the very slight stigma of a single divorced person showing up at a family event. Actually, it is very, very slight since some of their friends show up as a singled divorced persons now too.

But my bother and sister and their families make no mentions of the past at all.
It is no big thing anymore to them and none for me anymore too, really.

After 11 years, there are no more questions, no need to discuss the ex-partner and what they may be doing. And perhaps just a small disappointment to me, almost every year, that my children had no time left to come separately to where I was visiting, even for just an appearance.
I am careful not to show my disappointment to my children.
Moms have a slight advantage over Dads, I think, and it is common.

I did get to talk to everyone about their life changes, news in each of their families and told all of my retirement plans and my next life ambitions.

I don't regret at all to go there and will always go, as it is some slight healing that makes me feel better.

Brian Daniel


Thursday, November 28, 2013

Holidays and Divorce.....You Should Visit With Family and Friends, They Will Welcome You!

Forget your troubles and enjoy a day with others.

I did that every holiday and it was great!

Staying away from friends and family is BAD.
 Visiting them and accepting their hospitality is GOOD!

You won't regret it.
 Take this good time off from your troubles.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
You do have things to be thankful for.

Brian Daniel

Monday, November 25, 2013

For GREAT Divorce Recovery, F O C U S On Changing Those Things That You Can Change!

Too often, after divorce, one wants to change the negative things going on, back to positive ones.

One can immerse themselves into fixing all the problems and IF YOU CAN CHANGE THEM, then Go For It!

For most of us in divorce (and me included!!), you may be trying to change those things that others don't want you to change.
This can just add more difficult situations between you and your ex-partner and your children and friends too.

This is very common practice and behavior,  but may yield very little results, if any.

The Serenity Prayer shows the wisdom to spend your time changing those things you CAN change, and the wisdom also, to not try and change those that you can't.

If you focus to change only those things that you can control, you will feel much more positive about them, have more self esteem and will want to change more things for your betterment.
Most self improvement things that you want to change are all changes that you can change.

Soon after divorce, these self controlled changes can help you feel better about yourself and your future and that focus will make ALL of your changes, faster and easier.

More happiness is just around the corner.

Brian Daniel

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Navigate the Negative Issues then See the Positive Opportunities

All people in divorce face and have to work through the negative issues of divorce.

The money and property issues, custody rights, support items, emotional issues, sadness, anger and so on are plenty of difficult times to negotiate through as best you can.

These issues can take many months, and for some, it can be years.

But in the many lonely hours, one may be able to see a positive or two in some of the many living changes that also need to become part of your "new life".

Your new life will, over time, open up even more positive opportunities.

Look into, try and use some of these opportunities.

Take your time with this, don't be in a hurry.

You naturally may leave those negatives issues more quickly, and even more quickly, focus on the positives instead.

Once I found some upsides, I embraced them. Positives are much easier to deal with than negatives.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Divorce Brings To You A Second Chance At Life - Now What?..... Maybe a "Bucket List"?

Divorce has a way of stopping your previous life and starts you on your next life.

New place to live?  New responsibilities at home?  Making new friends?

These new things may require all of your attention for some weeks and months, and you will need to start some new routines too in how you live.

In my case, with the children staying with Mom, I found lots of lonely hours each day.
When partners separate and after their new routines to live are in place, there will be similar lonely times when they asked themselves, "now what"?

Might I suggest working up a genuine "Before I Kick the Bucket List"?

All those lonely hours can be aimed at what new things-to-do would you like to consider?

This decision list of what you may want to try, or things you always wanted to try, can be very helpful at this point after your divorce or separation.

You will find some re-kindling of your spirit and may smile a few times when planning some bucket items for your "new" self.

Brian Daniel

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

"Yes,There Is an Upside of Divorce, It Can Be Your Second Chance at Life, and .....

...You Can Make It a Happier and More Enjoyable Life Too!   

(LOL! This title is too long for the title block above, I tried to fit it in!)


The "Yes" above in my divorce recovery book title was a necessary added word to an already very long title.

My book and me, the author, promises to you that YES!, There Is an Upside of Divorce, It Can Be Your Second Chance at Life. 

The YES was trying to say emphatically and insure the possible reader that the upside does exist, that you can make a good second chance at life, and that You Can Make It a Happier and More Enjoyable Life Too!

(This was probably too much info about the title, yes?   Sorry, if it was.)

But it was difficult for me, and I assume all others too, to believe things will get better, when one is freshly in divorce process or proceedings.... where every detail seems to be arguable, every personal piece of property belongs to the other, when loud voices, phone hang ups, and slammed doors abound.

My experience had all of that stuff too and this negative period will last for weeks, months and sometimes years.

Everyone in divorce has to deal with the negatives and my book does have several chapters about getting through these difficult times.

Readers of my book, will be taken through the same events, problems, and bad and good experiences as it occurred for me and I suspect will "fit" fairly well with your experiences too.

My book, still early on, does point out the positive events and experiences too so that you can at least see and hear some of the upsides that I found and learned to use them to improve self esteem,  reduce the anger, and see the opportunities in all the lonely hours to become happier. 

The positive new things-to-do that you eventually try and keep, will build on each other and if you stay busy with new positive things in your life, one day or week, you will discover you do have a more enjoyable life.

Brian Daniel

There Is an Upside of Divorce, It Can Be Your Second Chance at Life, and....

...You Can Make It a Happier and More Enjoyable Life Too!


The title of my divorce recovery book is all of the title box and the first line above too!

My book is a "self-help" type, which is what I was aiming for, because I wanted to share my fast and easy move on experience past divorce.

I had met others in divorce that languished in their lives for many years. They were angry, sad, depressed, had low esteem, not much hope, not much energy and many other negative conditions.

As a first time writer, I read a publisher's "how-to-do" formula for writing a self help book, and the most important part was the TITLE.

The publisher insisted that one use a long title and tell them what one's book is all about.

So, as silly as it looks in length, I kept the long title.

I tried a smaller title, "Upside of Divorce" and a friend of mine, when he heard my title quickly said,  "there aren't any upsides of divorce"!

Needless to say, I then realized that I better explain what upside of divorce is really there for ex-partners in divorce.....and so, I stuck with the very long title of my self help book.

My title needed to say what the upside can be and how good it might be too!

By the way, a recent e-dating commercial showed a young lady finding another man and said this was her "second chance" (at life)," and she was tearfully happy.

Brian Daniel

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Still Selling Books! ........NOT on Amazon!

About a year ago, Amazon thought I would get more book sales with a 10% discount and lowered my Amazon book price accordingly.

They have full right to do that when they deem it is necessary. They do not lower my royalty fee, which is nice, but it has STOPPED completely all my sales for this whole past year.

I have witnessed other divorce recovery books lose sales immediately after discounts were made on other book pages. I immediately contacted them and repeated my concerns a couple times.

But I am still selling my own books on my website,

Will Amazon listen to me?  I'll let you know.

More and More POSITIVE Divorce! (....and RETIREMENT!)


There's a lot of "positive" adjectives in twitter account names that deal with divorce. And, I continue to get numerous google alerts with "positive" in the various search words and phrases.

I would say that there are as many positive linkedin groups about divorce as there are negative ones. And, there many positive themes in questions, responses and discussion topics too.

People in all these social spots offer examples of how positive interventions, relationships, actions, responses, behaviors and so on can do much good in all sorts of divorce problems and issues.

One still can choose to point out the negative actions, emotions, distress, stress, unkindness, poor behavior, and outrageous things that ex-partners do to each other. The majority by far of chat sites are always mired in the thousands of bad things that people in divorce do to each other.

This is a part of the divorce recovery for everyone. Some do it for a few days or weeks (like I did) and some do it for a very long time.

But the positive movement in divorce is getting the upper hand, I believe.





After 39 years and 9 months, I decided to retire.

The last 5 weeks were to get my nest egg open, find new medical insurance and get a new phone (among a lot of other info changes, new email contacts, etc.).

And YES!, there is an upside to retirement!

There may actually be one or two more than for divorce.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Marriages come & go, Divorce is forever? NO, It is not!

A certain divorce blogger uses a title like the one above, and I believe they have it backwards.

Most marriages last a long time while divorce can be quickly had and done.

Yes, there can be long lasting effects, alimony payments, re-financing, months and years of sorrow, negative emotions, being lonely, and so forth but these, most often are shorter than the marriages, I believe.

There are some that believe that your time to move-on past divorce is 1 year for every 4 years of marriage. For me, my marriage lasted 24 years, and it should have taken 6 years for me to move-on, using this "rule of thumb" above.

But actually, my time in the divorce process and when I began to smile again was as little as 12 weeks. Six weeks or so into this time, I was checking details with a lawyer about financial stuff and he remarked that I seemed to be much better and happy compared to others at this time in divorce.

I told him that I realized that at fifty years old, I was pretty healthy, had my own house and half of the money/personal property, did not have any heart attack or depression, and was looking forward to all the new things-to-do that I was planning for after my divorce (we completed a dissolution in just 12 weeks).

Maybe I am just a rare case.

Believe me, I did have some dark desperate hours in divorce.

But when I thought about the Serenity Prayer and was reminded of changing what you can and letting go what you can't change, I took only a positive attitude from then on.

I never looked back much, and if I did, it was no more than just a few minutes at a time.



I don't believe divorce is forever. It certainly doesn't have to be. It wasn't for me.

Brian Daniel

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Self-Help, What Is This (Really)?

My website,      Self-Help-Products-and-Services.com        is all about Self-Help but I haven't explained at all what it is, nor blogged about it before. My divorce recovery book,  "Yes, There Is an Upside of Divorce" is also a self-help book. Many other products and services on my site are all considered "self-help" too.

Maybe this is a good time to explain just what I have always thought self-help is. And, here it is.....telling others what to do and how to gain a benefit or a self-improvement.

Self-help, on a variety of topics, should be clear enough, direct enough and understood well enough to go out and do it yourself, without anyone to help you..

My book, "Upside of Divorce" (for short) was aimed to others also caught up in divorce to see the  upsides of their divorce, just like I did.  And to know that they could see these positive sides too and after some time and use them too to make a happier and more enjoyable rest-of-life for themselves too!

My book has 232 pages, mostly about how to find these upsides, using my own experiences to help them see the many ways they may have to move on positively.

A reader could try to do the same new things-to-do that I did and see if those worked or helped them.
Better yet would be for them to do similar things that were important in their life.
Even better would be to use a positive attitude and go about with totally different things than I did, if that made sense to them..

A part of the self-help has to be the decision individually to "just go and try it".

For my book clients, I found that only a few of them had questions or discussed what  may be best for them and their personal circumstances. And with no real negative feedback at all to me, I would assume they did get some help from me and my book, and used their own ways to go on further.

I have used other self-help topics, like more money saving, how to invest better, golf better, improve health, fitness and more enjoyment in life too! My help, in all my products and services, are simple, direct and use good common sense too.

I do also offer to coach, if the self-help provided is NOT clear enough, direct enough and understood well enough to go out and do it yourself,

Brian Daniel




Saturday, July 20, 2013

"Divorce Is a Terrible Process!" Hundreds of Couples are doing this every month.....

Those new in the divorce process shout out how divorce is terrible. You see them in chat rooms, on-line support groups, and yes, there are hundreds every month....

Nothing in Life Changes is worse than divorce. And it can go on for years.

Those new in it, do what we all did--
--Seek help from friends and neighbors, family, fellow workers....
--Try the chat rooms, see that a lot of experiences are common.....
--Focus on what they can do to fix the marriage if possible....
--Get professional help for emotions and/or financial issues/custody/property.....

Once thru the "divorcing" part, ex-partners think and say "now what"?

This is a real crossroad to decide "now what"......

I decided I would not languish in hurt, shame, blame, wishing, embarassment more than a few weeks....

Once thru the "divorcing" part, I decided I would look for the positives of this second chance at life.

In just a few months of looking at the upsides, I was on my way to a happier, more enjoyable life.

I then began writing my book to help those Hundreds of Couples that are doing this every month.....

My book will help find you to find that "Divorce Is  NOT NECESSARILY a Terrible Process!" 

See my book "Upside of Divorce" on Amazon and get discounts on Self-Help-Products-and-Services.com

Brian Daniel

Thursday, June 20, 2013

How did I see the positive side of divorce?

My book has the answer obviously. But I can summarize.

It is not a secret.

It is not a natural thing after some time passes.

It is not difficult and it is not easy.

Others can help you. But you will do the most good, most likely.


Do not dwell on what went wrong.

Do not try to change all that is happened in your divorce.

Do not try to get together unless your partner wants it too.

Do not feel bad, be alone or keep to yourself.


Are you fit and  healthy?  Do you want to be more fit and healthier?

Are you making new friends, spending time with other friends?

Are you keeping busy with the kids, with your family and with your new home and neighborhood?

Are you OK with what you have?

Are you ready to move on?  Yes? Good.


Decide tomorrow to start life anew.


This is what I did to start seeing the many more positive things there are AFTER divorce.
I tried the first three "It is.." All were true. I did help myself more than others and books.
I did all the "Do not..." things, they waste a lot of time and are negative.

But then I began asking myself all the questions above. I could answer all these as "Yes".
I started my move on the very next day...it was all positive stuff and I did more and more of it, from then on.

Sincerely, Brian Daniel.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

How Does One Start Divorce Recovery?

Although there can be many different paths to meaningful divorce recovery, the underlying common thread seems to be the decision to move on. The decision to start over, using this second chance at life, and moving on past your previous life is a "door" that many go through to begin their  life anew.

The time it takes to go through that door can be weeks, months, years and sometimes, some never reach that point of moving on. For most divorced partners, time is needed to change where you will live, moving in or out, getting acclamated to new surroundings and this fills your  new months after divorce. Adjusting to new schedules, doing new things that were done by your partner can take some more months.

Eventually though, one will find themself with more hours available now and again to do something else.
What will that be?
          More time to think what went wrong between me and my partner?
          Wondering why the splitting up occurred?  Who is at fault?
          When will I want to face family and friends about all these things above?

Or will your time be spent in other ways?
         Should I get a hobby?  Get a pet? Get on that dating service? Join a Divorce group?
          Get a part time job? Do some community service? Get more fitness and healthy?
         Try something new?  See some old friends? Do some home fix-ups? Gardening?

I have done both of these groups of things.
I seemed to feel bad or became negative when I spent time about all the things that were in the past?
I wanted to fix our problems and wanted to change all this splitting up stuff.
THOSE WERE THINGS I COULDN'T CHANGE.
I did ALL of the things in the second group and I quickly became positive about all of them.
THESE WERE THINGS I COULD CHANGE.

I do ALL of those things still today and I am much happier than I ever thought I would be.

Brian Daniel


Tuesday, May 14, 2013

GOOD Divorce Recovery Help and a Full Price Refund IF You Don't Agree?

I now offer that any  purchases of my book, "Yes, There Is an Upside of Divorce..." from my website comes with a full price refund if you are not satisfied that my book has been helpful to you.

So, buy my book off my website and know that you aren't out the purchase price if not satisfied, OK?
Note: You can buy my book through Amazon on my website but they aren't offering the money back guarantee!

I can make that offer for my book, and any other products/services purchases, from my site
Self-Help-Products-and-Services.com
because I have never received any negative feedback at all for the hundreds of books and dozens of other products sold there.

I have offered a 50% return of the price for several months previously, with still no requests for a refund and now feel confident enough that 100% price back is OK since all of my web products are of high value and are low priced.

For the 100% Money Back Guarantee:
Use this same email to tell us if you were not satisfied with the book or other items purchased on this website and why you were not satisfied, then we will refund 100% of the item price back to you in a check  (less postage, and after the return first of any book copies or other printed media). 

Use James@Self-Help-Products-and-Services.com and we will send you a refund check in the mail.

Thanks for a look at this,
Brian Daniel






Monday, May 13, 2013

A Great Contributor To My Book Has Passed On Today

Dr. Joyce Brothers passed away today.

When writing my book, I found a few great articles by her in Sunday magazines. She had great articles about feeling infatuation again after divorce(my favorite). She wrote about love again and having sex again too. Her articles were short and very much to point and always entertaining.

She was the only author that did not require fees for using her material (that's why I have very few references!). I had sought out her agent and he said she would want to talk to me personally about my book. Her agent gave me her home phone number.

I called her on a mid-morning Saturday and was thrilled when she answered her phone. I talked about my book and her material and subjects that I wanted to use and she was very positive and encouraging. I asked again about any fees to use her work and she said no, but would be happy to contribute.

The chapters that contain her material are some of my book's best.

God bless Joyce Brothers.

Brian Daniel

Saturday, May 11, 2013

What is the WORST problem that you, friends or family members had coming out of divorce?

Try using just one word...... Mine was "finances"....


There will be many "worst" problems of divorce and we will see what they may be...



I have experience in many of those that might be mentioned and can help others too, if they want.

My financial problems were obvious...alimony and child support was 60% of my take-home pay....my own living expenses were another 20%.......a 401K loan was another 15%.....the rest was all I had for miscellaneous and eating out and entertainment (not much).

I had to become a better saver, be more frugal, and GET A PART TIME JOB!

These were GOOD things that made me more financially successful. I wrote a short booklet about "10 BEST Money Saving Ideas" that I still sell on my website, Self-Help-Products-and-Services.com

The old saying of what does not kill you will make you stronger...I believe all the hardest and worst problems with divorce that anyone may mention here are all the same things that makes one stronger.

Brian Daniel



Monday, April 22, 2013

Therapy for Divorce/Separation? Yes? No?

Discussion From Lorraine Breitman, "Inside Divorce" (LinkedIn)


Divorce is a traumatic event in a person’s life. Seeking help from a professional could be the most prudent step you can take and certainly nothing to be ashamed of.

Therapy Can Be an Important Part of the Divorce Process mediateyournjdivorce.com

One of the things that I have noticed over the course of my career as a family law attorney is that people going through the divorce process have an unwillingness to go to therapy even though they could benefit greatly from the...



posted 12 days ago by Lorraine,

I was FIRST to reply and may have helped to get these discussions going.... Brian




Brian D. • Yes, divorce is traumatic indeed!

Most ladies will think of it and many will go to therapy. Men will likely NOT think of it and many less of them will go, yes?

Books are much easier to get (secretly) and one can read about it alone (without having to share)......Friends and conversation about it helped me and can be a good substitute for therapy, yes?


Lori K. • Yes books and friends are great supports. As a therapist I know sometimes the hurt and trauma go so deep that therapy is a good idea in order to get on with your life in a healthy way. Not all people need therapy during or after a divorce but if a person is suffering therapy can make such a big difference. Women are more likely to go for therapy but I do have male clients who have been through divorce and complete their therapy feeling terrific!


Adriana G. • Sometimes it's all in a name, business coach, mentor, sales person, therapist.. The theoretical understanding is different, with particular ethics being more upfront in some professions, yet when you drill down there are some common skills that underpin all. So maybe sometimes it's about talking the language of the potential client... create a website just for men give them webinars to listen into so they take what they need and have a contact point if they want to have a private discussion and the process will look after itself, surely?


Stephanie M. • I agree that Divorce is very traumatic, and its everyone that needs the support: Parents and the children. Even if it is for the short term, I recomend that all the family members get some type of support at some point.


 Rochelle Schwartz,
In my career working with men and woman going through my 13 week processs which is called Spiritual Divorce it's been sooo healing for both men and woman..It moves them forward rather quickly, where they heal there hearts and that person with whom they were married too. It's revoluntionary process that I've been doing for a number of years. And have gone through it myself. You need to feel to heal.


Melanie R. • Great article! I especially love your thoughts on the "don't talk about the other person" syndrome. People going through, or having been through divorce often have a lot of emotion around the other person. Anger, Sadness, Betrayal......the list goes on! From a professional perspective, one of our processes we use specifically releases the negative emotions. One of the benefits of that of this process is that they are able to interact with their ex without all of the emotional triggers of the past. And, from a personal perspective having young children and working our way through the divorce as well, it was reassuring to read because we talk about their dad all the time! Thanks for sharing:)

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Still Selling Books!

Although the number of copies sold have slowed, I am thankful that new readers are still buying my "Upside of  Divorce" book.

And, as always, I have still received no "bad" reviews. This helps me continue to find ways to sell books and I'll try more personal selling, knowing that I am selling a GOOD divorce recovery book.

I had to give up using Craig'sList as they will no longer allow me to post sale of my books in various locations. I was able previously to sell in over 200+ cities with just a hand full of flags/removals.

I still get letters aout my book from ads a year or two old now. A single Mom was asking how to stay positive after divorce. (I many times answer questions like this one and forget to copy them here!)

I am focusing on using tweets to get hits on my website and it seems they are growing with every day twitting.The percentage of website hits is 30 to 40% of my daily tweets.

I will be asking to stock several copies of  my book in coffee shops and restaurant's bar areas locally, where as a local writer, I may get friendly interest and sales.

Thanks to all who may have bought books from my site, Amazon and from the blogs here.
As a reminder, feedback is always welcomed, and it can be good or bad feedback, OK?

Brian Daniel