I did and I hope you did too.
Even after 11 years of divorce, I still have the very slight stigma of a single divorced person showing up at a family event. Actually, it is very, very slight since some of their friends show up as a singled divorced persons now too.
But my bother and sister and their families make no mentions of the past at all.
It is no big thing anymore to them and none for me anymore too, really.
After 11 years, there are no more questions, no need to discuss the ex-partner and what they may be doing. And perhaps just a small disappointment to me, almost every year, that my children had no time left to come separately to where I was visiting, even for just an appearance.
I am careful not to show my disappointment to my children.
Moms have a slight advantage over Dads, I think, and it is common.
I did get to talk to everyone about their life changes, news in each of their families and told all of my retirement plans and my next life ambitions.
I don't regret at all to go there and will always go, as it is some slight healing that makes me feel better.
Brian Daniel
Friday, November 29, 2013
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Holidays and Divorce.....You Should Visit With Family and Friends, They Will Welcome You!
Forget your troubles and enjoy a day with others.
I did that every holiday and it was great!
Staying away from friends and family is BAD.
Visiting them and accepting their hospitality is GOOD!
You won't regret it.
Take this good time off from your troubles.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
You do have things to be thankful for.
Brian Daniel
I did that every holiday and it was great!
Staying away from friends and family is BAD.
Visiting them and accepting their hospitality is GOOD!
You won't regret it.
Take this good time off from your troubles.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
You do have things to be thankful for.
Brian Daniel
Monday, November 25, 2013
For GREAT Divorce Recovery, F O C U S On Changing Those Things That You Can Change!
Too often, after divorce, one wants to change the negative things going on, back to positive ones.
One can immerse themselves into fixing all the problems and IF YOU CAN CHANGE THEM, then Go For It!
For most of us in divorce (and me included!!), you may be trying to change those things that others don't want you to change.
This can just add more difficult situations between you and your ex-partner and your children and friends too.
This is very common practice and behavior, but may yield very little results, if any.
The Serenity Prayer shows the wisdom to spend your time changing those things you CAN change, and the wisdom also, to not try and change those that you can't.
If you focus to change only those things that you can control, you will feel much more positive about them, have more self esteem and will want to change more things for your betterment.
Most self improvement things that you want to change are all changes that you can change.
Soon after divorce, these self controlled changes can help you feel better about yourself and your future and that focus will make ALL of your changes, faster and easier.
More happiness is just around the corner.
Brian Daniel
One can immerse themselves into fixing all the problems and IF YOU CAN CHANGE THEM, then Go For It!
For most of us in divorce (and me included!!), you may be trying to change those things that others don't want you to change.
This can just add more difficult situations between you and your ex-partner and your children and friends too.
This is very common practice and behavior, but may yield very little results, if any.
The Serenity Prayer shows the wisdom to spend your time changing those things you CAN change, and the wisdom also, to not try and change those that you can't.
If you focus to change only those things that you can control, you will feel much more positive about them, have more self esteem and will want to change more things for your betterment.
Most self improvement things that you want to change are all changes that you can change.
Soon after divorce, these self controlled changes can help you feel better about yourself and your future and that focus will make ALL of your changes, faster and easier.
More happiness is just around the corner.
Brian Daniel
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Navigate the Negative Issues then See the Positive Opportunities
All people in divorce face and have to work through the negative issues of divorce.
The money and property issues, custody rights, support items, emotional issues, sadness, anger and so on are plenty of difficult times to negotiate through as best you can.
These issues can take many months, and for some, it can be years.
But in the many lonely hours, one may be able to see a positive or two in some of the many living changes that also need to become part of your "new life".
Your new life will, over time, open up even more positive opportunities.
Look into, try and use some of these opportunities.
Take your time with this, don't be in a hurry.
You naturally may leave those negatives issues more quickly, and even more quickly, focus on the positives instead.
Once I found some upsides, I embraced them. Positives are much easier to deal with than negatives.
The money and property issues, custody rights, support items, emotional issues, sadness, anger and so on are plenty of difficult times to negotiate through as best you can.
These issues can take many months, and for some, it can be years.
But in the many lonely hours, one may be able to see a positive or two in some of the many living changes that also need to become part of your "new life".
Your new life will, over time, open up even more positive opportunities.
Look into, try and use some of these opportunities.
Take your time with this, don't be in a hurry.
You naturally may leave those negatives issues more quickly, and even more quickly, focus on the positives instead.
Once I found some upsides, I embraced them. Positives are much easier to deal with than negatives.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Divorce Brings To You A Second Chance At Life - Now What?..... Maybe a "Bucket List"?
Divorce has a way of stopping your previous life and starts you on your next life.
New place to live? New responsibilities at home? Making new friends?
These new things may require all of your attention for some weeks and months, and you will need to start some new routines too in how you live.
In my case, with the children staying with Mom, I found lots of lonely hours each day.
When partners separate and after their new routines to live are in place, there will be similar lonely times when they asked themselves, "now what"?
Might I suggest working up a genuine "Before I Kick the Bucket List"?
All those lonely hours can be aimed at what new things-to-do would you like to consider?
This decision list of what you may want to try, or things you always wanted to try, can be very helpful at this point after your divorce or separation.
You will find some re-kindling of your spirit and may smile a few times when planning some bucket items for your "new" self.
Brian Daniel
New place to live? New responsibilities at home? Making new friends?
These new things may require all of your attention for some weeks and months, and you will need to start some new routines too in how you live.
In my case, with the children staying with Mom, I found lots of lonely hours each day.
When partners separate and after their new routines to live are in place, there will be similar lonely times when they asked themselves, "now what"?
Might I suggest working up a genuine "Before I Kick the Bucket List"?
All those lonely hours can be aimed at what new things-to-do would you like to consider?
This decision list of what you may want to try, or things you always wanted to try, can be very helpful at this point after your divorce or separation.
You will find some re-kindling of your spirit and may smile a few times when planning some bucket items for your "new" self.
Brian Daniel
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
"Yes,There Is an Upside of Divorce, It Can Be Your Second Chance at Life, and .....
...You Can Make It a Happier and More Enjoyable Life Too!
(LOL! This title is too long for the title block above, I tried to fit it in!)
The "Yes" above in my divorce recovery book title was a necessary added word to an already very long title.
My book and me, the author, promises to you that YES!, There Is an Upside of Divorce, It Can Be Your Second Chance at Life.
The YES was trying to say emphatically and insure the possible reader that the upside does exist, that you can make a good second chance at life, and that You Can Make It a Happier and More Enjoyable Life Too!
(This was probably too much info about the title, yes? Sorry, if it was.)
But it was difficult for me, and I assume all others too, to believe things will get better, when one is freshly in divorce process or proceedings.... where every detail seems to be arguable, every personal piece of property belongs to the other, when loud voices, phone hang ups, and slammed doors abound.
My experience had all of that stuff too and this negative period will last for weeks, months and sometimes years.
Everyone in divorce has to deal with the negatives and my book does have several chapters about getting through these difficult times.
Readers of my book, will be taken through the same events, problems, and bad and good experiences as it occurred for me and I suspect will "fit" fairly well with your experiences too.
My book, still early on, does point out the positive events and experiences too so that you can at least see and hear some of the upsides that I found and learned to use them to improve self esteem, reduce the anger, and see the opportunities in all the lonely hours to become happier.
The positive new things-to-do that you eventually try and keep, will build on each other and if you stay busy with new positive things in your life, one day or week, you will discover you do have a more enjoyable life.
Brian Daniel
(LOL! This title is too long for the title block above, I tried to fit it in!)
The "Yes" above in my divorce recovery book title was a necessary added word to an already very long title.
My book and me, the author, promises to you that YES!, There Is an Upside of Divorce, It Can Be Your Second Chance at Life.
The YES was trying to say emphatically and insure the possible reader that the upside does exist, that you can make a good second chance at life, and that You Can Make It a Happier and More Enjoyable Life Too!
(This was probably too much info about the title, yes? Sorry, if it was.)
But it was difficult for me, and I assume all others too, to believe things will get better, when one is freshly in divorce process or proceedings.... where every detail seems to be arguable, every personal piece of property belongs to the other, when loud voices, phone hang ups, and slammed doors abound.
My experience had all of that stuff too and this negative period will last for weeks, months and sometimes years.
Everyone in divorce has to deal with the negatives and my book does have several chapters about getting through these difficult times.
Readers of my book, will be taken through the same events, problems, and bad and good experiences as it occurred for me and I suspect will "fit" fairly well with your experiences too.
My book, still early on, does point out the positive events and experiences too so that you can at least see and hear some of the upsides that I found and learned to use them to improve self esteem, reduce the anger, and see the opportunities in all the lonely hours to become happier.
The positive new things-to-do that you eventually try and keep, will build on each other and if you stay busy with new positive things in your life, one day or week, you will discover you do have a more enjoyable life.
Brian Daniel
There Is an Upside of Divorce, It Can Be Your Second Chance at Life, and....
...You Can Make It a Happier and More Enjoyable Life Too!
The title of my divorce recovery book is all of the title box and the first line above too!
My book is a "self-help" type, which is what I was aiming for, because I wanted to share my fast and easy move on experience past divorce.
I had met others in divorce that languished in their lives for many years. They were angry, sad, depressed, had low esteem, not much hope, not much energy and many other negative conditions.
As a first time writer, I read a publisher's "how-to-do" formula for writing a self help book, and the most important part was the TITLE.
The publisher insisted that one use a long title and tell them what one's book is all about.
So, as silly as it looks in length, I kept the long title.
I tried a smaller title, "Upside of Divorce" and a friend of mine, when he heard my title quickly said, "there aren't any upsides of divorce"!
Needless to say, I then realized that I better explain what upside of divorce is really there for ex-partners in divorce.....and so, I stuck with the very long title of my self help book.
My title needed to say what the upside can be and how good it might be too!
By the way, a recent e-dating commercial showed a young lady finding another man and said this was her "second chance" (at life)," and she was tearfully happy.
Brian Daniel
The title of my divorce recovery book is all of the title box and the first line above too!
My book is a "self-help" type, which is what I was aiming for, because I wanted to share my fast and easy move on experience past divorce.
I had met others in divorce that languished in their lives for many years. They were angry, sad, depressed, had low esteem, not much hope, not much energy and many other negative conditions.
As a first time writer, I read a publisher's "how-to-do" formula for writing a self help book, and the most important part was the TITLE.
The publisher insisted that one use a long title and tell them what one's book is all about.
So, as silly as it looks in length, I kept the long title.
I tried a smaller title, "Upside of Divorce" and a friend of mine, when he heard my title quickly said, "there aren't any upsides of divorce"!
Needless to say, I then realized that I better explain what upside of divorce is really there for ex-partners in divorce.....and so, I stuck with the very long title of my self help book.
My title needed to say what the upside can be and how good it might be too!
By the way, a recent e-dating commercial showed a young lady finding another man and said this was her "second chance" (at life)," and she was tearfully happy.
Brian Daniel
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Still Selling Books! ........NOT on Amazon!
About a year ago, Amazon thought I would get more book sales with a 10% discount and lowered my Amazon book price accordingly.
They have full right to do that when they deem it is necessary. They do not lower my royalty fee, which is nice, but it has STOPPED completely all my sales for this whole past year.
I have witnessed other divorce recovery books lose sales immediately after discounts were made on other book pages. I immediately contacted them and repeated my concerns a couple times.
But I am still selling my own books on my website,
Will Amazon listen to me? I'll let you know.
They have full right to do that when they deem it is necessary. They do not lower my royalty fee, which is nice, but it has STOPPED completely all my sales for this whole past year.
I have witnessed other divorce recovery books lose sales immediately after discounts were made on other book pages. I immediately contacted them and repeated my concerns a couple times.
But I am still selling my own books on my website,
Will Amazon listen to me? I'll let you know.
More and More POSITIVE Divorce! (....and RETIREMENT!)
There's a lot of "positive" adjectives in twitter account names that deal with divorce. And, I continue to get numerous google alerts with "positive" in the various search words and phrases.
I would say that there are as many positive linkedin groups about divorce as there are negative ones. And, there many positive themes in questions, responses and discussion topics too.
People in all these social spots offer examples of how positive interventions, relationships, actions, responses, behaviors and so on can do much good in all sorts of divorce problems and issues.
One still can choose to point out the negative actions, emotions, distress, stress, unkindness, poor behavior, and outrageous things that ex-partners do to each other. The majority by far of chat sites are always mired in the thousands of bad things that people in divorce do to each other.
This is a part of the divorce recovery for everyone. Some do it for a few days or weeks (like I did) and some do it for a very long time.
But the positive movement in divorce is getting the upper hand, I believe.
After 39 years and 9 months, I decided to retire.
The last 5 weeks were to get my nest egg open, find new medical insurance and get a new phone (among a lot of other info changes, new email contacts, etc.).
And YES!, there is an upside to retirement!
There may actually be one or two more than for divorce.
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