Tuesday, December 25, 2018

Some Christmas Help for Those Who are Suffering With Divorce --- From Brian Daniel

I wanted to help you on Christmas Day which can be very hard at this time.

You are feeling down, your kids may not may not be there for you and you want to cry.

All of you who are are suffering, separated from family, friends and others.

I have been there too and it hurts a lot.

But you will feel better. You will.

And what help me to get feeling better fast, was a POSITIVE attitude.

And you will have many mores hours to use positive thoughts, actions, part time job, new friends, new hobbies, Habitat houses, soup kitchens, church activities and so on.....

....and you will meet many more friends too.

You will find that you need to drop all negative thoughts before you can look and see the POSITIVE and UPSIDES for your next chapters of life!

ONE SHOULD ALWAYS TRY TO MAKE SOMETHING NEGATIVE INTO SOMETHING POSITIVE. This story turn out better than expected and may have also influenced the relationship after their divorce,

My book, mostly about the many UPSIDES of divorce, can help you to find the positive sides too that are available in and after divorce.

Search "upside of divorce" at Amazon Books and see my blogs (all of them, all 361) and see all the reviews. Thanks for a look!

Positive changes you can make will build your self esteem, confidence and the want to do even more positives for yourself and your family.

Take a look at my book below if you are interested. My book is all about the upsides.

Brian Daniel, You CAN do this!

Sunday, November 18, 2018

How five women moved on from shock divorces 60 From Toy Boys to Real Passion

Sometimes the only POSITIVE approach can be to end the marriage to get a POSITIVE Divorce Recovery!

You will find that you need to drop all negative thoughts before you can look and see the POSITIVE and UPSIDES for your next chapters of life!

ONE SHOULD ALWAYS TRY TO MAKE SOMETHING NEGATIVE INTO SOMETHING POSITIVE. This story turn out better than expected and may have also influenced the relationship after their divorce,

My book, mostly about the many UPSIDES of divorce, can help you to find the positive sides too that are available in and after divorce.

Search "upside of divorce" at Amazon Books and see my blogs (all of them, all 346) and see all the reviews. Thanks for a look!

Positive changes you can make will build your self esteem, confidence and the want to do even more positives for yourself and your family.

Take a look at my book below if you are interested. My book is all about the upsides.

Brian Daniel

Here is the article

Several women bravely shared their stories. Source: Sue Leighton (left), Penny Sandilands and Jean Antill

Facing a sudden end to a long-term marriage or relationship can feel daunting and impossible. Out of nowhere you’re forced to create a new plan for a future without your partner, while trying to navigate your newfound independence and the challenges that can come with being single over the age of 50.

But a divorce doesn’t have to mean a harder future. In fact, many women go on to not only overcome their grief but create a better, happier life for themselves by embracing new hobbies, making drastic life decisions or meeting someone new.

Now, five women have shared their brave and honest stories with Starts at 60. From binning personal belongings and moving home, to returning to university or even finding a younger lover, each of their stories is inspiring in its own way – giving hope to women across the world going through similar heartache.

While many people find new happiness by moving on with someone new after a relationship breakdown, that’s not the case for everyone. In fact, for Jean Antill her fresh happiness came from embracing single life – something she’s enjoyed now for 28 years.

“When my husband suddenly left of course l was devastated, but I soon made my decisions on where my life was going as a single parent of two teenage girls,” she said. “I live alone and enjoy my single status. I just could not waste my time on trying another relationship as so much trouble and pain.”

Pain was something Jean had been forced to deal with during her difficult split, as she explained: “l was 46 at the time. My mother was dying of bowel cancer, l had been made redundant after 12 years. Our first grandchild was on the way [at the time].”

Part of her decision to stay single came from still loving her ex-husband, who sadly died last year, but she’s since retired and let go of her “anger at the world” – instead enjoying pride at what she’s achieved as a single mum.

A few years after her split, Jean returned to university to get a degree at 49 in ‘Social Work – Child, Family and Community’ – after completing a bridging course to get her there.

“Being mature aged at university did not pose any challenges,” she said. “It was a lifetime goal that l had put aside as marriage and raising children was more important at that time. So once free of my marriage commitments l followed this goal. And achieved my Masters as well.”

She added: “I have since retired and my grandees are my true loves… So yes l am proud of my ambitions and move forward. Of course there were hills and fakes [ups and downs] but uni got me through.”

While some splits can be fairly amicable, one Starts at 60 reader who chose to remain anonymous has revealed she was left completely betrayed by not only her husband – but also her sibling.

Seemingly in a happy marriage, her world came crumbling down when she discovered her husband was having a long-term affair with her sister. However it got worse still, as she also found out her adult nephew was her husband’s secret son.

Finding unimaginable strength, she packed up and moved to a completely new state – before finding happiness again with a surprising new partner.

“After getting over [that] devastation I packed up and moved states and found love again with another,” she explained. “He is my toy boy and has been with me through the best and worst times.”

Penny Sandilands move home and found a new life after her split. Source: Penny Sandilands.

For many women, leaving their hometown and life behind after a break-up would seem overwhelming – but for 72-year-old Gold Coast woman Penny Sandilands, it was the best decision she could have made.

“I handled my break up by getting rid of nearly everything I had and moving away,” she explained. “I started a whole new life. I’m still settling in to things, but so much enjoying the peace of mind and the feeling of freedom.”

She added: “I was very lucky that I can share a unit with one of my best friends, and have two other friends not too far away,” she said. “I haven’t figured out what to do with myself yet, but that will come.”

Another woman who found unexpected happiness in the years after her marriage split is 59-year-old Kris Ayache, who said: “I feel so much better after divorce.”

Explaining how her marriage broke down, she said she was with her husband for 23 years and had two children with him – but noticed he became distant in their last year together.

“He wouldn’t have dinner as a family and spent a lot of time watching TV. When he told me he wanted a divorce I was almost relieved as I didn’t have to try so hard with him any longer,” she said. Sadly, Kris later discovered he had been cheating on her for a year.

While it was undoubtedly a difficult time, Kris admitted: “Separation and divorce was quite liberating. I sold the house and bought something smaller, I have made mistakes with regards to money and certainly have learned a life lesson or two but I have to say I am happier knowing that I am now responsible for me. I don’t see my future with anyone else but that is my choice.”

Kris soon started her own blog, admitting it was “for her own sanity” to write down her feelings and upsets. Those upsets in the immediate aftermath of the divorce came hand in hand with some serious health concerns.

“I was diagnosed with diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol,” she explained. “During the three years of our separation I had a breast reduction for health reasons and had to contact my husband to get money to pay for it from our account. I was then given notice that I would be made redundant within a year.”

Despite that, she remained optimistic, adding: “I am a true believer in the law of attraction and everything happens for a reason.”

Being made redundant offered a fresh start for Kris who enjoyed some time off before she went on to find a new job in a small business. She’s also tried to join clubs to expand her social circle, but came to the happy realisation that she loves her own company.

“I walk a lot, I write romance stories and watch TV – I have an enjoyable life and my attitude continues to be very positive and never consider anything but a positive outcome,” she added. “My life is very fulfilling, I have a wonderful job and life is on my terms I can’t ask for more than that.”

In a powerful message to others dealing with grief over a lost love, she insisted: “I read a lot about people who lose themselves after divorce and I feel bad for them, there’s so much more to do if you just put your mind to it.”

Just like Kris, Starts at 60 blogger Sue Leighton, 64, has found a new love of writing following her divorce and has overcome the shock of losing her husband to enjoy life as a single woman.

Recalling her devastation at the time, she said: “I should have seen it coming, but I didn’t. We’d been together since 1974, married in 1975 and whilst we had been through some tough times, none had impacted on our love for each other.

“One evening (in early 1993) we had been invited to the home of one of my work colleagues. We were out on the verandah. I was sitting on his knee and out of the blue he announced he had found his soul mate – but he wasn’t referring to me! To say I was gobsmacked would be an understatement but the venue was no place for discussion.

Sue had two teenage sons with her husband at the time, while also juggling a full-time job and studying as a mature student. It meant the discussion was put off between them until several weeks later when her husband sat the whole family down to announce he was leaving.

“I lost the plot!” she admitted. “I told him if he was going to leave then f***ing leave now.”

From there Sue initially took a practical approach, selling her home and buying a new one for her and her sons, but she was hit with a new blow when she was not only made redundant, but also got diagnosed with treatment resistant, severe clinical depression.

Overcoming the horrendous period in her life took a lot of work, but Sue admitted: “I made the decision that I would never marry again. Once around that mulberry bush was enough for me!”

With that decision came some level of happiness, before Sue finally embraced a new hobby – and it’s proved her “salvation”.

“The computer has been my salvation in recent years,” she said. “I reconnected with old friends; I started to write – initially as a couple of Letters to the Editor and then got involved with Starts at 60 where I’ve been submitting blogs and a whole other world was opened up to me.”

Loving her new hobby, she said: “I’ve made friendships with many people (most of whom I will never get to meet) – a bit like having a ‘pen pal’.”

How did you overcome a difficult break up or divorce?

Tuesday, October 2, 2018

Brad Pitt Has No Regrets About Divorcing --- hollywoodlife.com

Brad Pitt has ‘zero desire’ to reunite with Angelina Jolie amid reports she misses him. A source close to Brad told HL EXCLUSIVELY why he ‘couldn’t care less.’

Angelina Jolie has reportedly having major doubts about leaving Brad Pitt — but does he feel the same way?

A source close to Brad told HollywoodLife EXCLUSIVELY that there’s no chance of a reconciliation.

“Brad couldn’t care less about Angelina supposedly missing him, or regretting filing for divorce, that relationship is well and truly over as far as he’s concerned, and Brad has zero desire to revisit it, and give it a second shot,” our source said.

“The past couple of years have been a living hell for Brad, and it’s made him question if he ever actually, truly, knew the real Angelina, because he never imagined that the woman he fell in love with and married could behave in the way she has toward him.

Monday, September 3, 2018

A dying mother wrote her children letters, leaving a gift of love for years

This item does not point to positives, but has many positive ways to help families and their problems.

Brian Daniel

My book, mostly about the many UPSIDES of divorce, can help you to find the positive sides too that are available in and after divorce.

Search "upside of divorce" at Amazon Books and see my blogs (all of them, all 349) and see all the reviews. Thanks for a look!

Positive changes you can make will build your self esteem, confidence and the want to do even more positives for yourself and your family.

Take a look at my book below if you are interested. My book is all about the upsides.

Brian Daniel

PS: My Book is only $10.99 and the Kindle version is only $3.50

Here is the article .....

By Steven Petrow | The Washington Post

My friend Jacqueline Zinn was diagnosed with glioblastoma, a brain cancer, in 2013; she died 18 months later, at age 56, leaving behind a husband and four kids. Jacquie was a triathlete who knew a thing or two about endurance, and she managed her treatment — surgery, radiation and chemotherapy — with the same skill and organization she had brought to her work as a project manager for a drug company. Once she realized that she had only weeks to live, Jacquie began planning for the next chapter: her death and its aftermath.

And so "every night for weeks she wrote letters to our children," her husband Doug recalled. Jacquie wrote multiple letters to each child, to be opened at different life milestones. Jacquie wanted to be "present with her kids," he said, at each of those important moments.

Planning for what I jokingly call “The End” is not for faint hearts. War hero John McCain is said to have been disciplined and firm as he planned his funeral over the past year, including the singing of the Irish ballad “Danny Boy.”

But few of us have that strength. Recently divorced, I needed to rewrite my will and my medical power of attorney as well as a host of other financial and medical documents. At almost every turn, I found myself crashing head-on into the wall of denial. Just last week, my attorney begged me to acknowledge that I was at least receiving her emails, even if I couldn’t respond to them. “Yes,” I replied, tersely. All this resistance, and I’m not suffering from any terminal condition.

That’s why Jacquie Zinn’s letters to her children seem heroic to me. After all, she did have a terminal diagnosis when she sat down to write what ended up being more than a dozen letters to her children, ranging in age from 11 to 21, and she knew her time was short. I first heard about the letters at her memorial service in 2013. This past spring, working on a book about death and dying, I reached out to her second-born son, Jerry, who was writing about the loss of his mother, to ask if he’d be willing to share his letters from her. He’d already gotten two — one soon after her death and one when he graduated from college — and after some hesitation, he said OK. Now 24, Jerry will get the final letter when he marries.

"The letters my mother left me are among the most precious gifts I possess," he told me. "She diligently took the time, the very limited time, as her life was coming to an end to sit down and think about her children's futures."

So one day, in perfect cursive penmanship and blue ink after her oncologist told her she had only weeks left, Jacquie wrote her first letter to Jerry, then age 19, to be opened after she died. Here is a portion of it:

"Dear Jerry, my budding film-maker,

"I know you have a lot of emotions running through you, as I did when my father died, but I was much older than you at the time, so I really can't begin to truly comprehend what you are feeling. I am so incredibly sorry that I had to die while you are so young and I assume it sucks for you. Perhaps you can use some of these emotions and feelings in your upcoming work(s), assuming you continue to pursue film.

"Let me assure you that I did absolutely everything I could to stay alive for as long as possible. I know you realize that having been with me at many of my treatments or tests. Plus the acupuncture, tons of praying I also did. But for some reason I just didn't make it as one of the chosen ones to be cured. But because of what I did I'm sure I lived much longer than if I hadn't been in good shape to begin with.

"I am incredibly proud of you for everything you have done in your relatively short life. I will be watching over you every day to see what new and exciting things you will accomplish — regardless of what occupations(s) you pursue over your lifetime.

"Do your best to support Dad and your siblings, especially during this first year as it will be the hardest for everyone. I remember that from when my father died. Time will certainly help, but it takes a long time to focus on the happy memories while the sad thoughts are more immediate and closer at hand.

Monday, August 20, 2018

What I Wish Someone Had Told Me In The Early Stages Of Divorce --- Scary Mommy

Although divorce is somewhat common (with roughly 42% of marriages predicted to end in divorce), it remains one of the most stressful experiences of your entire life. Unlike your average adult breakup, divorce arrives with a suitcase full of legal paperwork, court-ordered meetings, financial redistribution, and, in many cases, co-parenting. The Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory ranks it as the second most stressful life event, just below the death of a spouse.
My own divorce was the worst period of my life by far, even in light of it being, as I already noted, not completely unexpected.

I made the mistake of letting my divorce engulf me then, like waves of despair every morning. I waded directly into the groundswell and its whitecaps of chaos and loneliness.
I didn’t stop to think about how I could do divorce right. Not just for my kids, but for myself.
The following is a letter I wish I’d received when I was beginning the divorce process.

Dear Friend,

You are incredible. I am proud of you.
This isn’t about him, so I won’t mention him. And for a time now, you shouldn’t either. Because this is your time to hold yourself higher than him and what he says and thinks.
This is about you.

There was a team, and because there are children, that team needs to stay intact, of course. That team does not get an off-season.
But, for a moment, consider that simultaneously, on a different court, five miles down the road, there’s another game. And in this game, you are your team. You are the coach, you’re playing every position at once, and there’s no bench. Just you in this game, representing yourself. Your children are watching all the time, so make them proud.

I’m sitting in the bleachers with them, so make me proud too.
Friend, divorce is hard. Many of the days ahead are the reason they invented the word “misery.” The process of getting divorced, especially with children between you, is a long and grueling one.
You’ll ask around, call up old friends who you know have been there. They’ll fall quiet, and what they say when they do speak might feel like silence too. It won’t always be what you want to hear, anyway.

Because you are an infant being carried home through your first snowstorm. You may have been prepared with a thick down snowsuit, a woolen hat, and soft gloves. But this is the first storm you’ve ever felt all over at once, through the down. Your face stings no matter which direction you turn it.

Your family, who knows this type of storm well, walks with you. They reassure you, mentioning weather forecasts, wrapping arms around you tighter, and counting down the minutes.
But you’re a child. You don’t even speak their language. All of this terminology means nothing to you. You don’t get to know, really, how much farther you need to go. You don’t get to know what to expect along the way. And their arms, though strong and warm, can’t cover all of you at once.
You must simply nod and keep going.

Friend, divorce is lonely. Incomprehensibly so. But never forget that being lonely is better than leaning on someone who can no longer catch you.
Divorce is lonely by design. It is your time to be alone. It is your time to love yourself. Self-care was invented for you.

I don’t mean the expensive kind of self-care. You can spend a little here and there, but don’t spend too much. Because money will be difficult ahead.
Instead, give yourself time. Give yourself time with your children, being present and loving always. Give yourself time alone, listening every day to how you are feeling.
I have heard you say that you wish the people in your life would meet you where you are now instead of trying to fix your past or push you toward a particular future. Think now about whether you are meeting yourself there too. It will be difficult because so often we filter our feelings through how we wish they would be. But your feelings now — every day — have value just as they are. No filter needed.

Pretty soon, you’ll start to enjoy being on your own. You’ll start to imagine more happy moments of being alone down the road. This means you are more ready than you think.
Friend, divorce is not what you imagined. It is both predictable and unpredictable. It’s impossible not to be devastated to watch the plans you wrote out and filed neatly away turn to kindling.
Give yourself a new future. You had a future before, and it might not change much. Truly, if you don’t want it to, it doesn’t need to.
But listen to yourself. Because you might want it to. It helps to write down your goals and your values, however small, and make plans every day to reach and uphold them. Take quiet moments to remind yourself of them.

Friend, this is big. Divorce is a huge life event; a massive change in your everyday. There is nothing you can say to make it smaller.

Combat this by making your life smaller instead. Put your children at the forefront, and spend time with them doing simple, wonderful things. Minimize things in your life that distract from that time, like excessive planning, material pleasures, and time away.Say “no” to big events and “yes” to time at home. Cook easy meals so you can spend more time eating them together. Talk to them about their interests and share your interests with them. Read together.

Donate clothes and items you don’t need. Leave your work at work. Keep a small list of friends and family to reach out to and talk to about your divorce; only the ones who are truly there for you. Go to bed early so you are ready to be your best every day.

Friend, you can do this. I cannot wait for you to do this.
More than that, I cannot wait for you to meet me, because I am the you you always knew you could be.

Love,
Yourself.

Although divorce is somewhat common (with roughly 42% o

Saturday, August 11, 2018

Not getting book or Kindle sales any more, so I just may say goodbye, hope I helped.

If someone needs help just email tibodad@yahoo.com

Brian Daniel

Saturday, July 21, 2018

Dianne Kay (Werschke) Bechtold ---- Lincoln Jounal Star

Another article about how a POSITIVE approaches can help you develop a POSITIVE Divorce Recovery!

BEING POSITIVE IS VERY POWERFUL!!

You will find that you need to drop all negative thoughts before you can look and see the POSITIVE and UPSIDES for your next chapters of life!

ONE SHOULD ALWAYS TRY TO MAKE SOMETHING NEGATIVE INTO SOMETHING POSITIVE. This story turn out better than expected and may have also influenced the relationship after their divorce,

My book, mostly about the many UPSIDES of divorce, can help you to find the positive sides too that are available in and after divorce.

Search "upside of divorce" at Amazon Books and see my blogs (all of them, all 346) and see all the reviews. Thanks for a look!

Positive changes you can make will build your self esteem, confidence and the want to do even more positives for yourself and your family.

Take a look at my book below if you are interested. My book is all about the upsides.

Brian Daniel

Here is the article.......

Dianne Kay (Werschke) Bechtold was born on June 4, 1947 to Ewald and Elsie Werschke in McCook, NE. She passed away on July 18, 2018 in Lincoln.

She was raised in Palisade and graduated from high school there in 1965. She attended McCook College before marrying Boyd Bechtold and following him to Jacksonville, FL and the Navy. Boyd and Dianne were married on February 9th, 1969 and later that year a son, Mike, was born.

The family moved back to Syracuse and in 1973 welcomed daughter Julie to the family. In Syracuse, Dianne worked as a babysitter, bartender, liquor store owner and eventually found an outlet for her artistic ability as Composition Manager for Maverick Media, spending her last 40 years at the company.

Dianne was a tireless worker, always proud of her product and dedicated herself to excellence at work.

Dianne's dedication at work was only surpassed by her dedication to family. Her children and grandchildren were blessed with indescribable love and support. “Grandma Dianne” was the biggest fan, the trusted friend and the closest ally of all those she loved.

Dianne's positive attitude proved useful after her divorce in 1992. She thrived on her own and went on to own her own home, car and always had enough quarters for a car wash.

She enjoyed gardening, reading and spending time with her loved ones, especially if that time was on the porch of a cabin.

She is survived by; twin sister, Linda (Larry) Neiman of Fairmont and brother Gary (Annette) Werschke of Lincoln, son Mike (Kristal) Bechtold of Ord, daughter Julie (Kelly) Connelly of Grand Island, grandchildren Brant and Brooks Bechtold, Livia, Clay and Keaton Connelly. She was preceded in death by her parents.

Subscribe

and skip the surveys!

Thursday, June 28, 2018

Dad vows to boycott events that include his ex ---- Detroit News

I’m a medical student who will be graduating next year. I recently brought up the idea of having a graduation party, but my father says he refuses to come if Mom or anyone from her side of the family will be there. This led to a discussion about future weddings and events that will most likely happen soon.

My siblings and I are in our mid- to late-20s, and Dad insists that he won’t attend any future events that Mom will attend, even if it’s his own child’s wedding. It was extremely difficult to hear.

My siblings and I can’t imagine him boycotting something because he doesn’t want to be in the presence of our mom. We think he’s overreacting and needs to get over the past. Must we get over the fact that he doesn’t want to be around our mother and allow him to skip these important days?

Child Of Divorce in Michigan

Dear Child: Your father may be angry, but he is also being selfish and childish. By telling you what he did, he’s attempting to manipulate you into choosing between him and your mother.

By asking me whether you should “allow” him to skip these important milestones, you appear to be under the impression that you can somehow control your father. You CANNOT control the actions of another adult. You can, however, control the way you react to his behavior.

You and your siblings should not let yourselves to be manipulated. “Remind” your dad that if he follows through with his threat, he’ll be missed, and the only person he’ll be hurting is himself.

My best friend from college recently had a baby. I had planned a trip to visit her, and during my visit, she said, we would visit the local pool. A week before I was set to leave, she notified me that I would have to wear a T-shirt over my bathing suit at all times because my “fit body” would make her neighbors who have “mom bodies” uncomfortable, and she doesn’t want to upset them.

I was shocked and offended for women of all sizes. I responded that I would never be uncomfortable with anyone’s mom body or ask them to cover up, and I won’t wear a T-shirt. My bathing suit is not skimpy and would not be considered revealing by any standards. She responded that if I have a problem with it, I should just not come. Help!

Shocked And Offended

Dear Shocked And Offended: Be neither shocked nor offended. I agree that no one should have to cover their bodies. I suspect your best friend from college is not happy with HER post-baby body right now and wants to avoid comparisons. Tell her you understand, and try to reschedule a visit during ski season.

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Where you live has a big impact on happiness and health __ Chicago Tribune

Another article about how a POSITIVE approaches can help you develop a POSITIVE Divorce Recovery!

You will find that you need to drop all negative thoughts before you can look and see the POSITIVE and UPSIDES for your next chapters of life!

ONE SHOULD ALWAYS TRY TO MAKE SOMETHING NEGATIVE INTO SOMETHING POSITIVE. This story turn out better than expected and may have also influenced the relationship after their divorce,

My book, mostly about the many UPSIDES of divorce, can help you to find the positive sides too that are available in and after divorce.

Search "upside of divorce" at Amazon Books and see my blogs (all of them, all 346) and see all the reviews. Thanks for a look!

Positive changes you can make will build your self esteem, confidence and the want to do even more positives for yourself and your family.

Take a look at my book below if you are interested. My book is all about the upsides.

Brian Daniel

Here is the article.......

When my husband and I moved from Los Angeles to Washington for his job, I saw only the cons in our new city: Overcast skies, solemn monuments and women wearing an accessory I'd forgotten about from junior high dances: Pantyhose. The humidity was oppressive, the gray a wet blanket.
I wanted to move back to Los Angeles, where the sun gave a warm welcome, the open sky made me feel free and purple flowers hung like grape clusters from the jacaranda trees.
Ron wanted to stay put. Facing off, we planted our feet and tried to pull one another in opposite directions, a tug-o-war.

We weren't dealing with mere whims. Where we live is a matter of medical interest. Geospatial medicine, sometimes called geomedicine, studies how location affects our health and well-being. Just as a person has a genetic DNA, a person has an environmental DNA, says biologist and geographer Amy Blatt, author of "Health, Science, and Place." "I don't think people take into account how importantly a place impacts their health until it's too late," Blatt says.

In "The Blue Zones of Happiness," Dan Buettner wrote about pockets of the world where people live longer, happier, healthier lives: Enclaves that tend to have abundant sunshine, green spaces, an emphasis on fitness and access to whole foods. "Where a person lives determines their level of happiness more than any other factor," Buettner says.
I grew up in Ohio, near dreary Lake Erie. Once, after a blizzard, my dad placed my two younger brothers and me on a toboggan and tied the rope around his waist. We cheered with delight as he ran across the backyard, whisking us through a winter wonderland. Exhausted, he dropped the rope, and I volunteered to take over.

I slipped the loop around my puffy coat, lifted my foot and - splat! - face-planted in the snow. The toboggan hadn't budged. As a child, I wasn't strong enough to move my brothers.
As an adult, my strength was no match for Ron's, either. He was older, wiser and made more money. With all my might, I tried to drag him back across the country. Like my brothers, he didn't give way.
The average American may move almost a dozen times in a lifetime, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Americans move for all sorts of reasons: Jobs, bigger houses, retirement, family or - as was the case in my early 20s when I packed my Jeep and headed to California - because we think it'll make us happier.

I still remember standing on a coastal bluff the first day I arrived. The air smelled like jasmine and honeysuckle. Sunlight sparkled like glitter on the Pacific. I tugged off my wool sweater, raised my arms to the heavens and decided on the spot I'd stay until I died.
Despite my mental-health boost, the move may have increased my risk of early death. According to the American Lung Association, 70 percent of California residents live in an area with unhealthy air. The jasmine-infused breeze I adored was contaminated with pollutants that have been linked to cancer, asthma, heart attack and stroke.

An article published in the New England Journal of Medicine reports that when it comes to premature death, genetics has only a 30 percent influence; the other 70 percent is attributed to nongenetic factors such as environment, access to health care and individual behaviors.
Although the article separated environment and individual behaviors, research suggests the two are linked. In a recent British study that examined data on more than 400,000 men and women, those who lived near gyms, pools and sport fields weighed less than the others, as did those who lived farther away from fast-food joints.

"To help people achieve good health outcomes, we have to take into consideration where they live, work and play," says Marie Lynn Miranda, head of the National Center for Geospatial Medicine at Rice University . Indeed, geography may soon be routinely included in electronic medical records.
"The next generation of health-care providers will be well versed in geospatial medicine," Blatt says. "Just as you get tested for cholesterol or glucose levels, doctors will ask your place history - all the places where you have lived."

In a 2009 TEDMED Talk, "Your Health Depends on Where You Live," health and human services expert Bill Davenhall said such an assessment will allow physicians to determine which environmental toxins and stressors a person has been exposed to and for how long.
Online tools can help reveal health risks of geographic locations: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention maps chronic-disease risk factors for 500 American cities; the University of Cincinnati has a Web page about the quality of drinking water for major metropolitan areas; the Gallup-Sharecare Well-Being Index ranks the happiest areas of the country; and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation website shows life expectancy by Zip code.

But the best tool may be Google Maps or real estate websites such as Zillow's, says Blatt. The zoom feature allows you to evaluate whether a neighborhood is set up to help you make healthy choices. When relocating, "think about how your health vulnerabilities match up against potential exposures and triggers," Miranda advises.

All this research might suggest it would be a good idea to pack up and move somewhere with parks, clean water and fresh mountain air. Yet that's precisely where the link between geography, health and happiness begins to tangle in its own roots.
Relocating is considered a type of loss - like death, divorce or a job layoff - because it disrupts social ties.

Stephan Goetz, a professor of agricultural and regional economics at Penn State , published a study that showed suburban residents were happier than rural or metro folks. Interestingly, people who hadn't moved at all in the past five years also reported being happier. "This may be related to not having to find new friends and social networks," Goetz says.
Another study shows that close friendships, even more than family attachments, are key to health and happiness, especially as we age.

Moving has been associated with adverse outcomes on the young, too, according to findings published in the Journal of Psychiatric Research. The study tracked more than 1.4 million Danes from age 15 to their early 40s. Researchers had a record of all the residents' moves from birth to age 14. A 14-year-old who moved even once had double the risk of abusing drugs or developing certain mental disorders by midlife compared with those who did not move at all; those risks increased with multiple moves.

When I was a teenager, my family relocated frequently for my dad's job. As an introvert, I preferred a good book to slumber parties, and the moves hit me hard. Home was my sanctuary, my safe place. Meaningful friendships came slowly. Every time we uprooted, those hard-won social networks were torn away, and I silently swore I'd never become a trailing spouse.
Over a sushi dinner a decade into my life in Los Angeles and 2 1/2 years into my marriage, Ron told me he wanted to take a job in D.C.

I pointed my chopsticks at the palm trees. "We're eating outside in February."
Despite the refrain that lapped inside me like ocean waves - don't move; don't move; don't move - we moved.

When we arrived in our new city, I wheeled my beach cruiser into the garage and parked it next to my inline skates. I missed my best friend, my book club, my favorite coffeehouse. I wrinkled my nose at the heavy colonial decor and longed for stucco. My area code, now 301 instead of 310, caused confusion among the California-based clients with whom I still worked, but mostly those two transposed numbers summed up how I felt: Rearranged.

Susan Miller, who moved 14 times in 25 years while her husband was in the prime of his hotel corporate management career, founded the faith-based nonprofit Just Moved Ministry to help people cope with letting go of an old place and starting over in a new one. I took Miller's class at a church in McLean, Virginia even though, by then, I'd been around six years.

"Cherish, don't cling," the leader said, speaking to the danger of clutching to the past. The next day, I looked around. Could I learn to love this city? The Washington Monument stuck straight up in the air and taunted me like a middle finger.
My outlook finally changed when Ron took me to Los Angeles for my birthday. One morning I met a friend for coffee at Shutters on the Beach. She told me she was divorcing. The tension in her marriage had torn it apart.

As the plane approached Reagan National on the flight home, I wondered: Maybe loving Washington didn't mean I had to wear Nats swag, become a political junkie or even stop pining for the mountains, sun and sea. Despite the links among geography, health and happiness, maybe the most important components were attitude and a willingness to adapt.
To love a city is to care for the people who live there. Ron loves Washington, and I love Ron. Real love means letting go of my own preferences to honor his. For years I'd been unable to embrace D.C. and its people because my hands were tied. In that moment on the plane from Los Angeles, I knew what to do: I laid down my rope.

Sunday, May 6, 2018

Before Saying I do Make Sure You Really Kow What You Are Doing -- TAARIFA

ONE SHOULD ALWAYS TRY TO MAKE SOMETHING NEGATIVE INTO SOMETHING POSITIVE. This story turn out better than expected and may have also influenced the relationship after their divorce,

My book, mostly about the many UPSIDES of divorce, can help you to find the positive sides too that are available in and after divorce.

Search "upside of divorce" at Amazon Books and see my blogs (all of them, all 346) and see all the reviews. Thanks for a look!

Positive changes you can make will build your self esteem, confidence and the want to do even more positives for yourself and your family.

Take a look at my book below if you are interested. My book is all about the upsides.

Divorce is Very Negative but You'll See ALL UPSIDES with Brian's Book, Yes,There Is An Upside of Divorce, It Can Be Your Second Chance at Life!

My book "Upside of Divorce" (short title) is available with a discount on my tibodad@yahoo.com email and just $13 covers the 9 inch X 6 inch plus Postage,Shipping and Handling --You can save over $6 !!

You can search it on Amazon and buy it there too.

AND, A KINDLE EDITION OF MY BOOK IS NOW AVAILABLE, for just $4.99!

Here is the article, Brian

Lots of HELP, to help you!

Enjoy!

Before Saying I do Make Sure You Really Know What You Are Doing

Akin Al Ameen

Published on May 5, 2018

Many couples are divorced before their wedding day, because one of the things that lead to divorce do not happen overnight.

It has always been there before the wedding and we overlook a lot of obstacles because we are blindly in love.

The magic is never in getting married but in remaining married.

Marriage and wedding are two different things; a wedding is a one-day celebration while marriage is for life.

It is not how much you spend on a wedding; it is how long you stay in a marriage.

Do not be flawed in believing that a wedding will automatically change a person’s character.

The only thing a wedding will change is your relationship status; from single to married.

If you would have to fight birth pretention, do not expect an overnight affection after the marriage. It is hard to change the person who is never ready to change.

Of course, many people can pretend to be what they are not, but there is a limit to how much a person can pretend if you are paying attention.

Dating is the initial stage of relationships and the reason we date is to know of the person we are bringing into our lives.

Always remember that no one is perfect and no one will ever be. Do not go into a relationship expecting a perfect partner; be open and flexible.

But if being too flexible is affecting your spinal cord, try and stand on your feet. Avoid putting a temporary person in a permanent position of your life.

Be honest with yourself.

Never bother age, family or social pressure force you into a miserable marriage. Families and friends can follow you to the wedding, but only you stay in a marriage.

Never marry to fix a big problem, but fix it before you get married.

Be prayerful, but do not use prayers where common sense is required. Never throw an obvious problem under the carpet if you want peace of mind.

A temperamental partner who gets angry and slaps you at any slight argument while you are dating might end up beating you after the wedding.

A materialistic partner who loves you for what you have may not stay for long when the road is rough.

Before embarking on a journey of searching for a soul-mate, make sure you have already found yourself. It is really hard to know what you are if you don’t know who you are.

Be very careful who you choose as a spouse your happiness and sadness depends on. When the foundation is poor, collapse is inevitable. Before saying I do, make sure you know what you are doing.

Inspiration by Akin Al Ameen

Thursday, April 12, 2018

Am I as happy as Leann Rimes? --- Jewish Journal

What I find most fascinating is that after she chose to share her tragic choices with the masses, she began to get upset when people had opinions of her she did not like. I happen to think she is delusional, and since she is the one who gave me that impression, I wrote about it. Important to note I wasn’t the only one to write about her in an honest and perhaps unflattering way, but I was the one she targeted for revenge. Leann Rimes read my blogs like her life depended on it, and let me know in countless ways that she was trying to make me stop. When I think about Leann thinking she was the reason I stopped writing Keeping it Real, it makes me feel warm inside and laugh hard. She had nothing to do with why I stopped, and everything to do with why I am bringing it back today for a special bonus blog.

Recently an old blog I wrote about her resurfaced and some people read it for the first time. When I saw it going around on social media I read it too, and thought it was quite great. I am a gifted and funny writer on a bad day, but rather brilliant on a Leann Rimes day. About an hour after the old blog was retweeted, I started to get messages from Leann Rimes fans and they were not happy. By “they” of course I mean I think it is actually only one person, with several accounts, who may or may not be an employee of Ms. Rimes. Allegedly. This person went in and let me know I was a talentless and disgusting human being who was so jealous of Leann Rimes I could not function properly. Apparently I can only dream about being as happy as Leann Rimes is. It got me thinking about Leann and our history together. It led to this blog and the question of the day: Am as I happy as Leann Rimes?

It is a silly question of course, because Leann Rimes is not a happy person. She is miserable and lives her life with a constantly broken heart. She desperately wants someone to love her, and someone did, but she chose to give up everything for a man who is, as I write, not thinking about her. Not even a little bit. Allegedly. I have loved a man that much and had him not love me back, and it is crushing in a way that is hard to recover from. I can understand her staying in it rather than have it be over, but her instability is about a lot more than her marriage. Her issues stem from everyone wanting something from her. She does not matter, allegedly, to the people in her life and so perhaps the bigger question should be: Is Leann Rimes as happy as I am? I would actually love to talk to Ms. Rimes about happiness, but even thinking about talking to her might get me arrested.

I am not only happy, I am blessed. I have survived cancer, twice. Just had surgery on my neck with a remarkable outcome. I am mother to who can only be described as a truly wonderful human being. I am beautiful, funny, talented, and have the best hair! I have a great family, terrific friends, and an amazing job. I believe in love and search for it with an open heart, not an open wallet. Important to note more people read my blog than attend Ms. Rimes parking lot concerts series or buy her albums. One would think she would be smart enough to save and invest her money, rather than spend it on legal fees to try and shut me up, but I think we have established she is not a particularly bright girl. Bless her. I have nothing against Leann Rimes. I am just a writer, one she isn’t a fan of, and therefore when bored, she obsesses over me. It is kind of sweet. Bless her.

I wish only good things for Leann Rimes and my door is always open to her. I would happily chat with her so she can understand I am not the enemy and she gives me far too much power in her life. Instead of “reimagining” songs from 30 years ago, she should look forward and dream bigger for herself. Instead of wasting money on cease and desist letters, she should get a divorce lawyer and save herself. Instead of spending time in parking lots over the summer, she should spend time in a wellness retreat rediscovering her value. Instead of dreaming about being a mother, she should become one and even do it on her own. Instead of wasting her time obsessing over me, she should obsess over herself. Am I as happy as Leann Rimes? No I am not. Thank God. Is Leann Rimes as happy as me? No, but she could be. I am counting my blessings, heading back to Keeping the Faith, and keeping it real.

Thursday, March 1, 2018

9 Divorceés Share How Long They Waited To Date Again --- Women's Health

After a romantic relationship ends, sometimes you’re ready to get back on the market ASAP...and other times you'd rather gouge your own eyes out than start swiping through Tinder again (too far?).

The same is true after a divorce—if and when you start dating again is a totally individual choice, and there’s no right way to go about it. To illustrate how much the timeframe can vary, we talked to nine women about how long it took them to take that scary leap of faith.

'I Couldn't Get On Tinder Fast Enough...But An Actual Date...'

“I got on Tinder right away, because I had found out my ex-husband cheated on me. I didn’t actually go on a date, though, until about four to five months after my divorce was finalized. It ended up being a total disaster—the guy was criticizing how I ate pizza—so I had to cut that nightmare short and have a friend come pick me up. Another date I found out the guy was on probation, so it hasn’t been great yet.

"I’m glad I waited a few months to go on dates. It gave me more time to get to a better place mentally and emotionally and sort through and address the feelings I was having. When I had initially gotten on Tinder, that was more about instant validation. I have a kid, and I’m at a place now where I really want to thoroughly vet someone before I got out with them. It’s important to listen to your gut with dating, and not mask your feelings by diving into dating before you’re ready.” —Derika, 21, Atlanta, GA

'My Divorce Wasn't Even Official'

“I started dating before my divorce was even final. Looking back, I wouldn’t recommend that. A lot of that was age—I was in my mid-twenties and I wanted to go out and do what my girlfriends were doing and date like them. My ex and I were separated, and I wanted to put the whole thing behind me. I had moved to D.C., and guys I dated were perplexed that I could be so young and already have been married and divorced. On one date, I told the guy and he freaked out. He said ‘I can’t handle that,’ and then just up and left.

"I met someone pretty soon after my divorce was final and that turned into a long-term relationship. I think it’s important to take a step back after a divorce, whether it was your idea or not, to evaluate what happened and take responsibility for your role...I didn’t want to repeat some of those negative actions in my new relationship.” —Frances, 38, Alexandria, VA

'Right After My Divorce Was Finalized—And It Was So Empowering'

“I got divorced about nine years ago, and I started dating as soon as I got divorced. I’m really glad I started right away. I think when you’re the one filing and you want to get divorced, it can be an empowering time. Seeing myself through someone else’s eyes was a breath of fresh air. I was unhappy in my marriage, so to go from that to having someone treating you kindly and complimenting you was so nice.

"I’ve now been with the same person for the past eight years, and we“I started dating before my divorce was even final. Looking back, I wouldn’t recommend that. A lot of that was age—I was in my mid-twenties and I wanted to go out and do what my girlfriends were doing and date like them. My ex and I were separated, and I wanted to put the whole thing behind me. I had moved to D.C., and guys I dated were perplexed that I could be so young and already have been married and divorced. On one date, I told the guy and he freaked out. He said ‘I can’t handle that,’ and then just up and left.

'Right After My Divorce Was Finalized—And It Was So Empowering'

"I’ve now been with the same person for the past eight years, and we’re recently engaged. Dating has been a really positive experience for me. Once you have your confidence back and you feel comfortable being seen out with someone else, you’re ready to start dating.” —Heather, 43, Miami, FL

'It Took Me Nearly A Decade'

“I didn’t start dating seriously until about six or seven years after my divorce. My kids were in elementary school when we separated, and I wanted to wait until they were grown until I really started to focus on myself. My biggest fear was having a different boyfriend every Christmas. It was also my second divorce and I felt like I needed to regroup emotionally to figure out why I had made some bad or hasty decisions with relationships.

"After waiting several years to get serious, I was definitely ready to get back out there. Some people are ready right after a divorce and for others it takes longer, but I think as long as you’re not doing it out of revenge at an ex or because of loneliness, then you’re on the right track. My test was ‘when am I ready to share myself with someone else?’ It’s not just about what you want, but what you can give to a relationship.” —Jackie, 54, Greenville, SC

'I Was Alone For A Year'

“I was alone for a year before the divorce was final, and during that time, the thought of dating was overwhelming. But recently I went on a tour of beautiful homes with friends, and we saw this incredible bathroom with a claw foot tub, fireplace and view of the lake out the window, and it was so romantic. I thought, ‘I’d like to stay here with someone special.’ About a month later, 18 months after my divorce, I signed up for a dating profile. I’ve started to get my feet wet again, and I’m excited.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

"I’m really glad I waited as long as I did. Now I’m dating and am not focused on trying to escape or distract myself. I think that makes me good company and a great date. I spent my single time volunteering, reflecting, getting my mind in a good spot, and asking myself tough questions. A few friends were pushing me to get out there sooner, but I knew it wasn’t the right time yet and I didn’t want to rush. When you’re older, you feel like waiting might mean you’re missing things, but you have to be ready.” —Judy, 57, Racine, WI

'The Second Our Relationship Felt Truly Over'

“I started dating about six months after our separation and then our divorce become final a few years later. I had known the relationship was long over, so for me, it was the right time. I trust how I feel about things and when people presented themselves and it felt right, I trusted my intuition. My ex also started dating before me, and that opened the door for me, too. I think it’s important to honor any feelings you’re having and process those first, so they don’t interfere with your next relationships. If the motivation is to get back at someone, or you’re doing it out of pain or fear, it’s not settling yourself up for success.” —Julie, 48, Leander, TX

'Once My Kids Were A Bit Older'

“We separated in 2005 and the divorce was final in 2008, and it just took me a while to start dating again. In the first few years after the divorce, I had no interest in dating. My kids were 1 and a half and 3 and a half, and I just wanted to focus on them for a while. I never thought I would be divorced, and I had this negative view of the divorcee on the prowl and that held me back, too.

"I started dating in the fall of 2008 because my friends set me up with someone. It didn’t work out long-term, but I look back on it positively. I’m glad I waited as long as I did, because I needed to heal my self-esteem from my marriage. But I believe in putting yourself out there. My mom didn’t date after getting divorced and she was unhappy. I think you need a life outside of being a mom, so I didn’t want to repeat that. After being with one person for 12 years, dating was weird and fun and everything in between.” —Leanne, 51, Toronto, ON

'Immediately...And I Met My Next Husband The Following Year'

“I left my husband in 1999, and I had known I was going to get divorced for a while, so I was emotionally ready to start dating right away. Still, I waited a few months to get settled. Then I started dating like it was my job. I met my future husband in 2001 and we were married in 2002.

"I think dating after divorce is all about experiencing different people. A lot of people end up staying with the first person they go out with, and then I think you fall into the same patterns of your past relationships. When I dated, it was a very interesting, fun time in my life. I figured out what qualities I liked and didn’t like.” —Melissa, 48, Detroit

'I Focused On Making Friends First'

“I got separated in December and started dating in February, but my divorce wasn’t final until April. I had been with my ex for 15 years and had never really dated, so I was actually really happy with my decision to get out there. My goal when I started wasn’t to find another relationship right away, but to test the waters, maybe make some friends, and see what was out there.

"At about six months after my divorce, I asked myself if I felt ready to try to have a real relationship. I was, and then I went into dating with a different mindset. I met a guy who I really liked and have been with him since.

"I think figuring out when you’re ready is a matter of being really clear with where you are in the process. I found that a lot of guys I dated were ready to settle down really quickly, so I had to start making it clear on my online profile that I was just casually dating at first. Once I did get serious, I expected it to take a lot longer to connect with someone, but the timing was just right.” —Michelle, 34, Philadelphia

Tuesday, December 25, 2018

Sunday, November 18, 2018

How did you overcome a difficult break up or divorce?

Tuesday, October 2, 2018

Brad Pitt has ‘zero desire’ to reunite with Angelina Jolie amid reports she misses him. A source close to Brad told HL EXCLUSIVELY why he ‘couldn’t care less.’

Monday, September 3, 2018

Monday, August 20, 2018

Saturday, August 11, 2018

Saturday, July 21, 2018

Sites & Partners

Services

Thursday, June 28, 2018

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Sunday, May 6, 2018

Thursday, April 12, 2018

Thursday, March 1, 2018

'I Couldn't Get On Tinder Fast Enough...But An Actual Date...'

'My Divorce Wasn't Even Official'

'Right After My Divorce Was Finalized—And It Was So Empowering'

'Right After My Divorce Was Finalized—And It Was So Empowering'

'It Took Me Nearly A Decade'

'I Was Alone For A Year'

'The Second Our Relationship Felt Truly Over'

'Once My Kids Were A Bit Older'

'Immediately...And I Met My Next Husband The Following Year'

'I Focused On Making Friends First'

Followers

Blog Archive