Another article about how a POSITIVE approaches can help you develop a POSITIVE Divorce Recovery!
You
will find that you need to drop all negative thoughts before you can
look and see the POSITIVE and UPSIDES for your next chapters of life!
ONE
SHOULD ALWAYS TRY TO MAKE SOMETHING NEGATIVE INTO SOMETHING POSITIVE.
This story turn out better than expected and may have also influenced
the relationship after their divorce,
My book, mostly about the many
UPSIDES of divorce, can help you to find the positive sides too that are available
in and after divorce.
Search "upside of divorce" at Amazon Books and see my blogs (all of them, all 346) and see all the reviews. Thanks for a look!
Positive changes you can
make will build your self esteem, confidence and the want to do even
more positives for yourself and your family.
Take a look at my book below if you are interested. My book is all about the upsides.
Brian Daniel
Divorce
is Very Negative but You'll See ALL UPSIDES with Brian's Book,
Yes,There Is An Upside of Divorce, It Can Be Your Second Chance at Life!
My
book "Upside of Divorce" (short title) is available with a discount on
my tibodad@yahoo.com email and just $13 covers the 9 inch X 6 inch plus Postage,Shipping and Handling --You can save over $6 !!
You can search it on Amazon and buy it
there too.
AND, A KINDLE EDITION OF MY BOOK IS NOW AVAILABLE, for just $4.99!
Here is the article, Brian
Lots of HELP, to help you!
Enjoy!
After a romantic relationship ends, sometimes
you’re ready to get back on the market ASAP...and other times you'd
rather gouge your own eyes out than start swiping through Tinder again
(too far?).
The same is true after a divorce—if
and when you start dating again is a totally individual choice, and
there’s no right way to go about it. To illustrate how much the
timeframe can vary, we talked to nine women about how long it took them
to take that scary leap of faith.
'I Couldn't Get On Tinder Fast Enough...But An Actual Date...'
“I
got on Tinder right away, because I had found out my ex-husband cheated
on me. I didn’t actually go on a date, though, until about four to five
months after my divorce was finalized. It ended up being a total
disaster—the guy was criticizing how I ate pizza—so I had to cut that
nightmare short and have a friend come pick me up. Another date I found
out the guy was on probation, so it hasn’t been great yet.
"I’m glad I waited a few months to go on dates. It
gave me more time to get to a better place mentally and emotionally and
sort through and address the feelings I was having. When I had initially
gotten on Tinder, that was more about instant validation. I have a kid,
and I’m at a place now where I really want to thoroughly vet someone
before I got out with them. It’s important to listen to your gut with
dating, and not mask your feelings by diving into dating before you’re
ready.” —Derika, 21, Atlanta, GA
'My Divorce Wasn't Even Official'
“I started dating before my divorce was even final.
Looking back, I wouldn’t recommend that. A lot of that was age—I was in
my mid-twenties and I wanted to go out and do what my girlfriends were
doing and date like them. My ex and I were separated, and I wanted to
put the whole thing behind me. I had moved to D.C., and guys I dated
were perplexed that I could be so young and already have been married
and divorced. On one date, I told the guy and he freaked out. He said ‘I
can’t handle that,’ and then just up and left.
"I met someone pretty soon after my divorce was
final and that turned into a long-term relationship. I think it’s
important to take a step back after a divorce, whether it was your idea
or not, to evaluate what happened and take responsibility for your
role...I didn’t want to repeat some of those negative actions in my new
relationship.” —Frances, 38, Alexandria, VA
'Right After My Divorce Was Finalized—And It Was So Empowering'
“I
got divorced about nine years ago, and I started dating as soon as I
got divorced. I’m really glad I started right away. I think when you’re
the one filing and you want to get divorced, it can be an empowering
time. Seeing myself through someone else’s eyes was a breath of fresh
air. I was unhappy in my marriage, so to go from that to having someone
treating you kindly and complimenting you was so nice.
"I’ve now been with the same person for the past eight years, and we“I started dating before my divorce was even final. Looking back, I
wouldn’t recommend that. A lot of that was age—I was in my mid-twenties
and I wanted to go out and do what my girlfriends were doing and date
like them. My ex and I were separated, and I wanted to put the whole
thing behind me. I had moved to D.C., and guys I dated were perplexed
that I could be so young and already have been married and divorced. On
one date, I told the guy and he freaked out. He said ‘I can’t handle
that,’ and then just up and left.
"I met someone pretty soon after my divorce was
final and that turned into a long-term relationship. I think it’s
important to take a step back after a divorce, whether it was your idea
or not, to evaluate what happened and take responsibility for your
role...I didn’t want to repeat some of those negative actions in my new
relationship.” —Frances, 38, Alexandria, VA
'Right After My Divorce Was Finalized—And It Was So Empowering'
“I
got divorced about nine years ago, and I started dating as soon as I
got divorced. I’m really glad I started right away. I think when you’re
the one filing and you want to get divorced, it can be an empowering
time. Seeing myself through someone else’s eyes was a breath of fresh
air. I was unhappy in my marriage, so to go from that to having someone
treating you kindly and complimenting you was so nice.
"I’ve now been with the same person for the past
eight years, and we’re recently engaged. Dating has been a really
positive experience for me. Once you have your confidence back and you
feel comfortable being seen out with someone else, you’re ready to start
dating.” —Heather, 43, Miami, FL
'It Took Me Nearly A Decade'
“I
didn’t start dating seriously until about six or seven years after my
divorce. My kids were in elementary school when we separated, and I
wanted to wait until they were grown until I really started to focus on
myself. My biggest fear was having a different boyfriend every
Christmas. It was also my second divorce and I felt like I needed to
regroup emotionally to figure out why I had made some bad or hasty
decisions with relationships.
"After waiting
several years to get serious, I was definitely ready to get back out
there. Some people are ready right after a divorce and for others it
takes longer, but I think as long as you’re not doing it out of revenge
at an ex or because of loneliness, then you’re on the right track. My
test was ‘when am I ready to share myself with someone else?’ It’s not
just about what you want, but what you can give to a relationship.” —Jackie, 54, Greenville, SC
'I Was Alone For A Year'
“I
was alone for a year before the divorce was final, and during that
time, the thought of dating was overwhelming. But recently I went on a
tour of beautiful homes with friends, and we saw this incredible
bathroom with a claw foot tub, fireplace and view of the lake out the
window, and it was so romantic. I thought, ‘I’d like to stay here with
someone special.’ About a month later, 18 months after my divorce, I
signed up for a dating profile. I’ve started to get my feet wet again,
and I’m excited.
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"I’m really glad I waited as long as I did. Now I’m
dating and am not focused on trying to escape or distract myself. I
think that makes me good company and a great date. I spent my single
time volunteering, reflecting, getting my mind in a good spot, and
asking myself tough questions. A few friends were pushing me to get out
there sooner, but I knew it wasn’t the right time yet and I didn’t want
to rush. When you’re older, you feel like waiting might mean you’re
missing things, but you have to be ready.” —Judy, 57, Racine, WI
'The Second Our Relationship Felt Truly Over'
“I
started dating about six months after our separation and then our
divorce become final a few years later. I had known the relationship was
long over, so for me, it was the right time. I trust how I feel about
things and when people presented themselves and it felt right, I trusted
my intuition. My ex also started dating before me, and that opened the
door for me, too. I think it’s important to honor any feelings you’re
having and process those first, so they don’t interfere with your next
relationships. If the motivation is to get back at someone, or you’re
doing it out of pain or fear, it’s not settling yourself up for
success.” —Julie, 48, Leander, TX
'Once My Kids Were A Bit Older'
“We
separated in 2005 and the divorce was final in 2008, and it just took
me a while to start dating again. In the first few years after the
divorce, I had no interest in dating. My kids were 1 and a half and 3
and a half, and I just wanted to focus on them for a while. I never
thought I would be divorced, and I had this negative view of the
divorcee on the prowl and that held me back, too.
"I
started dating in the fall of 2008 because my friends set me up with
someone. It didn’t work out long-term, but I look back on it positively.
I’m glad I waited as long as I did, because I needed to heal my
self-esteem from my marriage. But I believe in putting yourself out
there. My mom didn’t date after getting divorced and she was unhappy. I
think you need a life outside of being a mom, so I didn’t want to repeat
that. After being with one person for 12 years, dating was weird and
fun and everything in between.” —Leanne, 51, Toronto, ON
'Immediately...And I Met My Next Husband The Following Year'
“I
left my husband in 1999, and I had known I was going to get divorced
for a while, so I was emotionally ready to start dating right away.
Still, I waited a few months to get settled. Then I started dating like
it was my job. I met my future husband in 2001 and we were married in
2002.
"I think dating after divorce is all about
experiencing different people. A lot of people end up staying with the
first person they go out with, and then I think you fall into the same
patterns of your past relationships. When I dated, it was a very
interesting, fun time in my life. I figured out what qualities I liked
and didn’t like.” —Melissa, 48, Detroit
'I Focused On Making Friends First'
“I
got separated in December and started dating in February, but my
divorce wasn’t final until April. I had been with my ex for 15 years and
had never really dated, so I was actually really happy with my decision
to get out there. My goal when I started wasn’t to find another
relationship right away, but to test the waters, maybe make some
friends, and see what was out there.
"At about six months after my divorce, I asked
myself if I felt ready to try to have a real relationship. I was, and
then I went into dating with a different mindset. I met a guy who I
really liked and have been with him since.
"I
think figuring out when you’re ready is a matter of being really clear
with where you are in the process. I found that a lot of guys I dated
were ready to settle down really quickly, so I had to start making it
clear on my online profile that I was just casually dating at first.
Once I did get serious, I expected it to take a lot longer to connect
with someone, but the timing was just right.” —Michelle, 34, Philadelphia