Saturday, July 21, 2018

Dianne Kay (Werschke) Bechtold ---- Lincoln Jounal Star

Another article about how a POSITIVE approaches can help you develop a POSITIVE Divorce Recovery!

BEING POSITIVE IS VERY POWERFUL!!

You will find that you need to drop all negative thoughts before you can look and see the POSITIVE and UPSIDES for your next chapters of life!

ONE SHOULD ALWAYS TRY TO MAKE SOMETHING NEGATIVE INTO SOMETHING POSITIVE. This story turn out better than expected and may have also influenced the relationship after their divorce,

My book, mostly about the many UPSIDES of divorce, can help you to find the positive sides too that are available in and after divorce.

Search "upside of divorce" at Amazon Books and see my blogs (all of them, all 346) and see all the reviews. Thanks for a look!

Positive changes you can make will build your self esteem, confidence and the want to do even more positives for yourself and your family.

Take a look at my book below if you are interested. My book is all about the upsides.

Brian Daniel

Here is the article.......

Dianne Kay (Werschke) Bechtold was born on June 4, 1947 to Ewald and Elsie Werschke in McCook, NE. She passed away on July 18, 2018 in Lincoln.

She was raised in Palisade and graduated from high school there in 1965. She attended McCook College before marrying Boyd Bechtold and following him to Jacksonville, FL and the Navy. Boyd and Dianne were married on February 9th, 1969 and later that year a son, Mike, was born.

The family moved back to Syracuse and in 1973 welcomed daughter Julie to the family. In Syracuse, Dianne worked as a babysitter, bartender, liquor store owner and eventually found an outlet for her artistic ability as Composition Manager for Maverick Media, spending her last 40 years at the company.

Dianne was a tireless worker, always proud of her product and dedicated herself to excellence at work.

Dianne's dedication at work was only surpassed by her dedication to family. Her children and grandchildren were blessed with indescribable love and support. “Grandma Dianne” was the biggest fan, the trusted friend and the closest ally of all those she loved.

Dianne's positive attitude proved useful after her divorce in 1992. She thrived on her own and went on to own her own home, car and always had enough quarters for a car wash.

She enjoyed gardening, reading and spending time with her loved ones, especially if that time was on the porch of a cabin.

She is survived by; twin sister, Linda (Larry) Neiman of Fairmont and brother Gary (Annette) Werschke of Lincoln, son Mike (Kristal) Bechtold of Ord, daughter Julie (Kelly) Connelly of Grand Island, grandchildren Brant and Brooks Bechtold, Livia, Clay and Keaton Connelly. She was preceded in death by her parents.

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Thursday, June 28, 2018

Dad vows to boycott events that include his ex ---- Detroit News

I’m a medical student who will be graduating next year. I recently brought up the idea of having a graduation party, but my father says he refuses to come if Mom or anyone from her side of the family will be there. This led to a discussion about future weddings and events that will most likely happen soon.

My siblings and I are in our mid- to late-20s, and Dad insists that he won’t attend any future events that Mom will attend, even if it’s his own child’s wedding. It was extremely difficult to hear.

My siblings and I can’t imagine him boycotting something because he doesn’t want to be in the presence of our mom. We think he’s overreacting and needs to get over the past. Must we get over the fact that he doesn’t want to be around our mother and allow him to skip these important days?

Child Of Divorce in Michigan

Dear Child: Your father may be angry, but he is also being selfish and childish. By telling you what he did, he’s attempting to manipulate you into choosing between him and your mother.

By asking me whether you should “allow” him to skip these important milestones, you appear to be under the impression that you can somehow control your father. You CANNOT control the actions of another adult. You can, however, control the way you react to his behavior.

You and your siblings should not let yourselves to be manipulated. “Remind” your dad that if he follows through with his threat, he’ll be missed, and the only person he’ll be hurting is himself.

My best friend from college recently had a baby. I had planned a trip to visit her, and during my visit, she said, we would visit the local pool. A week before I was set to leave, she notified me that I would have to wear a T-shirt over my bathing suit at all times because my “fit body” would make her neighbors who have “mom bodies” uncomfortable, and she doesn’t want to upset them.

I was shocked and offended for women of all sizes. I responded that I would never be uncomfortable with anyone’s mom body or ask them to cover up, and I won’t wear a T-shirt. My bathing suit is not skimpy and would not be considered revealing by any standards. She responded that if I have a problem with it, I should just not come. Help!

Shocked And Offended

Dear Shocked And Offended: Be neither shocked nor offended. I agree that no one should have to cover their bodies. I suspect your best friend from college is not happy with HER post-baby body right now and wants to avoid comparisons. Tell her you understand, and try to reschedule a visit during ski season.

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Where you live has a big impact on happiness and health __ Chicago Tribune

Another article about how a POSITIVE approaches can help you develop a POSITIVE Divorce Recovery!

You will find that you need to drop all negative thoughts before you can look and see the POSITIVE and UPSIDES for your next chapters of life!

ONE SHOULD ALWAYS TRY TO MAKE SOMETHING NEGATIVE INTO SOMETHING POSITIVE. This story turn out better than expected and may have also influenced the relationship after their divorce,

My book, mostly about the many UPSIDES of divorce, can help you to find the positive sides too that are available in and after divorce.

Search "upside of divorce" at Amazon Books and see my blogs (all of them, all 346) and see all the reviews. Thanks for a look!

Positive changes you can make will build your self esteem, confidence and the want to do even more positives for yourself and your family.

Take a look at my book below if you are interested. My book is all about the upsides.

Brian Daniel

Here is the article.......

When my husband and I moved from Los Angeles to Washington for his job, I saw only the cons in our new city: Overcast skies, solemn monuments and women wearing an accessory I'd forgotten about from junior high dances: Pantyhose. The humidity was oppressive, the gray a wet blanket.
I wanted to move back to Los Angeles, where the sun gave a warm welcome, the open sky made me feel free and purple flowers hung like grape clusters from the jacaranda trees.
Ron wanted to stay put. Facing off, we planted our feet and tried to pull one another in opposite directions, a tug-o-war.

We weren't dealing with mere whims. Where we live is a matter of medical interest. Geospatial medicine, sometimes called geomedicine, studies how location affects our health and well-being. Just as a person has a genetic DNA, a person has an environmental DNA, says biologist and geographer Amy Blatt, author of "Health, Science, and Place." "I don't think people take into account how importantly a place impacts their health until it's too late," Blatt says.

In "The Blue Zones of Happiness," Dan Buettner wrote about pockets of the world where people live longer, happier, healthier lives: Enclaves that tend to have abundant sunshine, green spaces, an emphasis on fitness and access to whole foods. "Where a person lives determines their level of happiness more than any other factor," Buettner says.
I grew up in Ohio, near dreary Lake Erie. Once, after a blizzard, my dad placed my two younger brothers and me on a toboggan and tied the rope around his waist. We cheered with delight as he ran across the backyard, whisking us through a winter wonderland. Exhausted, he dropped the rope, and I volunteered to take over.

I slipped the loop around my puffy coat, lifted my foot and - splat! - face-planted in the snow. The toboggan hadn't budged. As a child, I wasn't strong enough to move my brothers.
As an adult, my strength was no match for Ron's, either. He was older, wiser and made more money. With all my might, I tried to drag him back across the country. Like my brothers, he didn't give way.
The average American may move almost a dozen times in a lifetime, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Americans move for all sorts of reasons: Jobs, bigger houses, retirement, family or - as was the case in my early 20s when I packed my Jeep and headed to California - because we think it'll make us happier.

I still remember standing on a coastal bluff the first day I arrived. The air smelled like jasmine and honeysuckle. Sunlight sparkled like glitter on the Pacific. I tugged off my wool sweater, raised my arms to the heavens and decided on the spot I'd stay until I died.
Despite my mental-health boost, the move may have increased my risk of early death. According to the American Lung Association, 70 percent of California residents live in an area with unhealthy air. The jasmine-infused breeze I adored was contaminated with pollutants that have been linked to cancer, asthma, heart attack and stroke.

An article published in the New England Journal of Medicine reports that when it comes to premature death, genetics has only a 30 percent influence; the other 70 percent is attributed to nongenetic factors such as environment, access to health care and individual behaviors.
Although the article separated environment and individual behaviors, research suggests the two are linked. In a recent British study that examined data on more than 400,000 men and women, those who lived near gyms, pools and sport fields weighed less than the others, as did those who lived farther away from fast-food joints.

"To help people achieve good health outcomes, we have to take into consideration where they live, work and play," says Marie Lynn Miranda, head of the National Center for Geospatial Medicine at Rice University . Indeed, geography may soon be routinely included in electronic medical records.
"The next generation of health-care providers will be well versed in geospatial medicine," Blatt says. "Just as you get tested for cholesterol or glucose levels, doctors will ask your place history - all the places where you have lived."

In a 2009 TEDMED Talk, "Your Health Depends on Where You Live," health and human services expert Bill Davenhall said such an assessment will allow physicians to determine which environmental toxins and stressors a person has been exposed to and for how long.
Online tools can help reveal health risks of geographic locations: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention maps chronic-disease risk factors for 500 American cities; the University of Cincinnati has a Web page about the quality of drinking water for major metropolitan areas; the Gallup-Sharecare Well-Being Index ranks the happiest areas of the country; and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation website shows life expectancy by Zip code.

But the best tool may be Google Maps or real estate websites such as Zillow's, says Blatt. The zoom feature allows you to evaluate whether a neighborhood is set up to help you make healthy choices. When relocating, "think about how your health vulnerabilities match up against potential exposures and triggers," Miranda advises.

All this research might suggest it would be a good idea to pack up and move somewhere with parks, clean water and fresh mountain air. Yet that's precisely where the link between geography, health and happiness begins to tangle in its own roots.
Relocating is considered a type of loss - like death, divorce or a job layoff - because it disrupts social ties.

Stephan Goetz, a professor of agricultural and regional economics at Penn State , published a study that showed suburban residents were happier than rural or metro folks. Interestingly, people who hadn't moved at all in the past five years also reported being happier. "This may be related to not having to find new friends and social networks," Goetz says.
Another study shows that close friendships, even more than family attachments, are key to health and happiness, especially as we age.

Moving has been associated with adverse outcomes on the young, too, according to findings published in the Journal of Psychiatric Research. The study tracked more than 1.4 million Danes from age 15 to their early 40s. Researchers had a record of all the residents' moves from birth to age 14. A 14-year-old who moved even once had double the risk of abusing drugs or developing certain mental disorders by midlife compared with those who did not move at all; those risks increased with multiple moves.

When I was a teenager, my family relocated frequently for my dad's job. As an introvert, I preferred a good book to slumber parties, and the moves hit me hard. Home was my sanctuary, my safe place. Meaningful friendships came slowly. Every time we uprooted, those hard-won social networks were torn away, and I silently swore I'd never become a trailing spouse.
Over a sushi dinner a decade into my life in Los Angeles and 2 1/2 years into my marriage, Ron told me he wanted to take a job in D.C.

I pointed my chopsticks at the palm trees. "We're eating outside in February."
Despite the refrain that lapped inside me like ocean waves - don't move; don't move; don't move - we moved.

When we arrived in our new city, I wheeled my beach cruiser into the garage and parked it next to my inline skates. I missed my best friend, my book club, my favorite coffeehouse. I wrinkled my nose at the heavy colonial decor and longed for stucco. My area code, now 301 instead of 310, caused confusion among the California-based clients with whom I still worked, but mostly those two transposed numbers summed up how I felt: Rearranged.

Susan Miller, who moved 14 times in 25 years while her husband was in the prime of his hotel corporate management career, founded the faith-based nonprofit Just Moved Ministry to help people cope with letting go of an old place and starting over in a new one. I took Miller's class at a church in McLean, Virginia even though, by then, I'd been around six years.

"Cherish, don't cling," the leader said, speaking to the danger of clutching to the past. The next day, I looked around. Could I learn to love this city? The Washington Monument stuck straight up in the air and taunted me like a middle finger.
My outlook finally changed when Ron took me to Los Angeles for my birthday. One morning I met a friend for coffee at Shutters on the Beach. She told me she was divorcing. The tension in her marriage had torn it apart.

As the plane approached Reagan National on the flight home, I wondered: Maybe loving Washington didn't mean I had to wear Nats swag, become a political junkie or even stop pining for the mountains, sun and sea. Despite the links among geography, health and happiness, maybe the most important components were attitude and a willingness to adapt.
To love a city is to care for the people who live there. Ron loves Washington, and I love Ron. Real love means letting go of my own preferences to honor his. For years I'd been unable to embrace D.C. and its people because my hands were tied. In that moment on the plane from Los Angeles, I knew what to do: I laid down my rope.

Sunday, May 6, 2018

Before Saying I do Make Sure You Really Kow What You Are Doing -- TAARIFA

ONE SHOULD ALWAYS TRY TO MAKE SOMETHING NEGATIVE INTO SOMETHING POSITIVE. This story turn out better than expected and may have also influenced the relationship after their divorce,

My book, mostly about the many UPSIDES of divorce, can help you to find the positive sides too that are available in and after divorce.

Search "upside of divorce" at Amazon Books and see my blogs (all of them, all 346) and see all the reviews. Thanks for a look!

Positive changes you can make will build your self esteem, confidence and the want to do even more positives for yourself and your family.

Take a look at my book below if you are interested. My book is all about the upsides.

Divorce is Very Negative but You'll See ALL UPSIDES with Brian's Book, Yes,There Is An Upside of Divorce, It Can Be Your Second Chance at Life!

My book "Upside of Divorce" (short title) is available with a discount on my tibodad@yahoo.com email and just $13 covers the 9 inch X 6 inch plus Postage,Shipping and Handling --You can save over $6 !!

You can search it on Amazon and buy it there too.

AND, A KINDLE EDITION OF MY BOOK IS NOW AVAILABLE, for just $4.99!

Here is the article, Brian

Lots of HELP, to help you!

Enjoy!

Before Saying I do Make Sure You Really Know What You Are Doing

Akin Al Ameen

Published on May 5, 2018

Many couples are divorced before their wedding day, because one of the things that lead to divorce do not happen overnight.

It has always been there before the wedding and we overlook a lot of obstacles because we are blindly in love.

The magic is never in getting married but in remaining married.

Marriage and wedding are two different things; a wedding is a one-day celebration while marriage is for life.

It is not how much you spend on a wedding; it is how long you stay in a marriage.

Do not be flawed in believing that a wedding will automatically change a person’s character.

The only thing a wedding will change is your relationship status; from single to married.

If you would have to fight birth pretention, do not expect an overnight affection after the marriage. It is hard to change the person who is never ready to change.

Of course, many people can pretend to be what they are not, but there is a limit to how much a person can pretend if you are paying attention.

Dating is the initial stage of relationships and the reason we date is to know of the person we are bringing into our lives.

Always remember that no one is perfect and no one will ever be. Do not go into a relationship expecting a perfect partner; be open and flexible.

But if being too flexible is affecting your spinal cord, try and stand on your feet. Avoid putting a temporary person in a permanent position of your life.

Be honest with yourself.

Never bother age, family or social pressure force you into a miserable marriage. Families and friends can follow you to the wedding, but only you stay in a marriage.

Never marry to fix a big problem, but fix it before you get married.

Be prayerful, but do not use prayers where common sense is required. Never throw an obvious problem under the carpet if you want peace of mind.

A temperamental partner who gets angry and slaps you at any slight argument while you are dating might end up beating you after the wedding.

A materialistic partner who loves you for what you have may not stay for long when the road is rough.

Before embarking on a journey of searching for a soul-mate, make sure you have already found yourself. It is really hard to know what you are if you don’t know who you are.

Be very careful who you choose as a spouse your happiness and sadness depends on. When the foundation is poor, collapse is inevitable. Before saying I do, make sure you know what you are doing.

Inspiration by Akin Al Ameen

Thursday, April 12, 2018

Am I as happy as Leann Rimes? --- Jewish Journal

What I find most fascinating is that after she chose to share her tragic choices with the masses, she began to get upset when people had opinions of her she did not like. I happen to think she is delusional, and since she is the one who gave me that impression, I wrote about it. Important to note I wasn’t the only one to write about her in an honest and perhaps unflattering way, but I was the one she targeted for revenge. Leann Rimes read my blogs like her life depended on it, and let me know in countless ways that she was trying to make me stop. When I think about Leann thinking she was the reason I stopped writing Keeping it Real, it makes me feel warm inside and laugh hard. She had nothing to do with why I stopped, and everything to do with why I am bringing it back today for a special bonus blog.

Recently an old blog I wrote about her resurfaced and some people read it for the first time. When I saw it going around on social media I read it too, and thought it was quite great. I am a gifted and funny writer on a bad day, but rather brilliant on a Leann Rimes day. About an hour after the old blog was retweeted, I started to get messages from Leann Rimes fans and they were not happy. By “they” of course I mean I think it is actually only one person, with several accounts, who may or may not be an employee of Ms. Rimes. Allegedly. This person went in and let me know I was a talentless and disgusting human being who was so jealous of Leann Rimes I could not function properly. Apparently I can only dream about being as happy as Leann Rimes is. It got me thinking about Leann and our history together. It led to this blog and the question of the day: Am as I happy as Leann Rimes?

It is a silly question of course, because Leann Rimes is not a happy person. She is miserable and lives her life with a constantly broken heart. She desperately wants someone to love her, and someone did, but she chose to give up everything for a man who is, as I write, not thinking about her. Not even a little bit. Allegedly. I have loved a man that much and had him not love me back, and it is crushing in a way that is hard to recover from. I can understand her staying in it rather than have it be over, but her instability is about a lot more than her marriage. Her issues stem from everyone wanting something from her. She does not matter, allegedly, to the people in her life and so perhaps the bigger question should be: Is Leann Rimes as happy as I am? I would actually love to talk to Ms. Rimes about happiness, but even thinking about talking to her might get me arrested.

I am not only happy, I am blessed. I have survived cancer, twice. Just had surgery on my neck with a remarkable outcome. I am mother to who can only be described as a truly wonderful human being. I am beautiful, funny, talented, and have the best hair! I have a great family, terrific friends, and an amazing job. I believe in love and search for it with an open heart, not an open wallet. Important to note more people read my blog than attend Ms. Rimes parking lot concerts series or buy her albums. One would think she would be smart enough to save and invest her money, rather than spend it on legal fees to try and shut me up, but I think we have established she is not a particularly bright girl. Bless her. I have nothing against Leann Rimes. I am just a writer, one she isn’t a fan of, and therefore when bored, she obsesses over me. It is kind of sweet. Bless her.

I wish only good things for Leann Rimes and my door is always open to her. I would happily chat with her so she can understand I am not the enemy and she gives me far too much power in her life. Instead of “reimagining” songs from 30 years ago, she should look forward and dream bigger for herself. Instead of wasting money on cease and desist letters, she should get a divorce lawyer and save herself. Instead of spending time in parking lots over the summer, she should spend time in a wellness retreat rediscovering her value. Instead of dreaming about being a mother, she should become one and even do it on her own. Instead of wasting her time obsessing over me, she should obsess over herself. Am I as happy as Leann Rimes? No I am not. Thank God. Is Leann Rimes as happy as me? No, but she could be. I am counting my blessings, heading back to Keeping the Faith, and keeping it real.

Thursday, March 1, 2018

9 Divorceés Share How Long They Waited To Date Again --- Women's Health

After a romantic relationship ends, sometimes you’re ready to get back on the market ASAP...and other times you'd rather gouge your own eyes out than start swiping through Tinder again (too far?).

The same is true after a divorce—if and when you start dating again is a totally individual choice, and there’s no right way to go about it. To illustrate how much the timeframe can vary, we talked to nine women about how long it took them to take that scary leap of faith.

'I Couldn't Get On Tinder Fast Enough...But An Actual Date...'

“I got on Tinder right away, because I had found out my ex-husband cheated on me. I didn’t actually go on a date, though, until about four to five months after my divorce was finalized. It ended up being a total disaster—the guy was criticizing how I ate pizza—so I had to cut that nightmare short and have a friend come pick me up. Another date I found out the guy was on probation, so it hasn’t been great yet.

"I’m glad I waited a few months to go on dates. It gave me more time to get to a better place mentally and emotionally and sort through and address the feelings I was having. When I had initially gotten on Tinder, that was more about instant validation. I have a kid, and I’m at a place now where I really want to thoroughly vet someone before I got out with them. It’s important to listen to your gut with dating, and not mask your feelings by diving into dating before you’re ready.” —Derika, 21, Atlanta, GA

'My Divorce Wasn't Even Official'

“I started dating before my divorce was even final. Looking back, I wouldn’t recommend that. A lot of that was age—I was in my mid-twenties and I wanted to go out and do what my girlfriends were doing and date like them. My ex and I were separated, and I wanted to put the whole thing behind me. I had moved to D.C., and guys I dated were perplexed that I could be so young and already have been married and divorced. On one date, I told the guy and he freaked out. He said ‘I can’t handle that,’ and then just up and left.

"I met someone pretty soon after my divorce was final and that turned into a long-term relationship. I think it’s important to take a step back after a divorce, whether it was your idea or not, to evaluate what happened and take responsibility for your role...I didn’t want to repeat some of those negative actions in my new relationship.” —Frances, 38, Alexandria, VA

'Right After My Divorce Was Finalized—And It Was So Empowering'

“I got divorced about nine years ago, and I started dating as soon as I got divorced. I’m really glad I started right away. I think when you’re the one filing and you want to get divorced, it can be an empowering time. Seeing myself through someone else’s eyes was a breath of fresh air. I was unhappy in my marriage, so to go from that to having someone treating you kindly and complimenting you was so nice.

"I’ve now been with the same person for the past eight years, and we“I started dating before my divorce was even final. Looking back, I wouldn’t recommend that. A lot of that was age—I was in my mid-twenties and I wanted to go out and do what my girlfriends were doing and date like them. My ex and I were separated, and I wanted to put the whole thing behind me. I had moved to D.C., and guys I dated were perplexed that I could be so young and already have been married and divorced. On one date, I told the guy and he freaked out. He said ‘I can’t handle that,’ and then just up and left.

'Right After My Divorce Was Finalized—And It Was So Empowering'

"I’ve now been with the same person for the past eight years, and we’re recently engaged. Dating has been a really positive experience for me. Once you have your confidence back and you feel comfortable being seen out with someone else, you’re ready to start dating.” —Heather, 43, Miami, FL

'It Took Me Nearly A Decade'

“I didn’t start dating seriously until about six or seven years after my divorce. My kids were in elementary school when we separated, and I wanted to wait until they were grown until I really started to focus on myself. My biggest fear was having a different boyfriend every Christmas. It was also my second divorce and I felt like I needed to regroup emotionally to figure out why I had made some bad or hasty decisions with relationships.

"After waiting several years to get serious, I was definitely ready to get back out there. Some people are ready right after a divorce and for others it takes longer, but I think as long as you’re not doing it out of revenge at an ex or because of loneliness, then you’re on the right track. My test was ‘when am I ready to share myself with someone else?’ It’s not just about what you want, but what you can give to a relationship.” —Jackie, 54, Greenville, SC

'I Was Alone For A Year'

“I was alone for a year before the divorce was final, and during that time, the thought of dating was overwhelming. But recently I went on a tour of beautiful homes with friends, and we saw this incredible bathroom with a claw foot tub, fireplace and view of the lake out the window, and it was so romantic. I thought, ‘I’d like to stay here with someone special.’ About a month later, 18 months after my divorce, I signed up for a dating profile. I’ve started to get my feet wet again, and I’m excited.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

"I’m really glad I waited as long as I did. Now I’m dating and am not focused on trying to escape or distract myself. I think that makes me good company and a great date. I spent my single time volunteering, reflecting, getting my mind in a good spot, and asking myself tough questions. A few friends were pushing me to get out there sooner, but I knew it wasn’t the right time yet and I didn’t want to rush. When you’re older, you feel like waiting might mean you’re missing things, but you have to be ready.” —Judy, 57, Racine, WI

'The Second Our Relationship Felt Truly Over'

“I started dating about six months after our separation and then our divorce become final a few years later. I had known the relationship was long over, so for me, it was the right time. I trust how I feel about things and when people presented themselves and it felt right, I trusted my intuition. My ex also started dating before me, and that opened the door for me, too. I think it’s important to honor any feelings you’re having and process those first, so they don’t interfere with your next relationships. If the motivation is to get back at someone, or you’re doing it out of pain or fear, it’s not settling yourself up for success.” —Julie, 48, Leander, TX

'Once My Kids Were A Bit Older'

“We separated in 2005 and the divorce was final in 2008, and it just took me a while to start dating again. In the first few years after the divorce, I had no interest in dating. My kids were 1 and a half and 3 and a half, and I just wanted to focus on them for a while. I never thought I would be divorced, and I had this negative view of the divorcee on the prowl and that held me back, too.

"I started dating in the fall of 2008 because my friends set me up with someone. It didn’t work out long-term, but I look back on it positively. I’m glad I waited as long as I did, because I needed to heal my self-esteem from my marriage. But I believe in putting yourself out there. My mom didn’t date after getting divorced and she was unhappy. I think you need a life outside of being a mom, so I didn’t want to repeat that. After being with one person for 12 years, dating was weird and fun and everything in between.” —Leanne, 51, Toronto, ON

'Immediately...And I Met My Next Husband The Following Year'

“I left my husband in 1999, and I had known I was going to get divorced for a while, so I was emotionally ready to start dating right away. Still, I waited a few months to get settled. Then I started dating like it was my job. I met my future husband in 2001 and we were married in 2002.

"I think dating after divorce is all about experiencing different people. A lot of people end up staying with the first person they go out with, and then I think you fall into the same patterns of your past relationships. When I dated, it was a very interesting, fun time in my life. I figured out what qualities I liked and didn’t like.” —Melissa, 48, Detroit

'I Focused On Making Friends First'

“I got separated in December and started dating in February, but my divorce wasn’t final until April. I had been with my ex for 15 years and had never really dated, so I was actually really happy with my decision to get out there. My goal when I started wasn’t to find another relationship right away, but to test the waters, maybe make some friends, and see what was out there.

"At about six months after my divorce, I asked myself if I felt ready to try to have a real relationship. I was, and then I went into dating with a different mindset. I met a guy who I really liked and have been with him since.

"I think figuring out when you’re ready is a matter of being really clear with where you are in the process. I found that a lot of guys I dated were ready to settle down really quickly, so I had to start making it clear on my online profile that I was just casually dating at first. Once I did get serious, I expected it to take a lot longer to connect with someone, but the timing was just right.” —Michelle, 34, Philadelphia

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Till Trump do us part: The president's effect on US marriages ---- FOX Business

Sunday, December 31, 2017

Divorce can bring unexpected financial benefits, experts say -- Newsday - Business

Another article about how a POSITIVE approaches can help you develop a POSITIVE Divorce Recovery!

Financial Upsides can be yours too! $$$$$$$$$$$$!!

You will find that you need to drop all negative thoughts before you can look and see the POSITIVE and UPSIDES for your next chapters of life!

ONE SHOULD ALWAYS TRY TO MAKE SOMETHING NEGATIVE INTO SOMETHING POSITIVE. This story turn out better than expected and may have also influenced the relationship after their divorce,

My book, mostly about the many UPSIDES of divorce, can help you to find the positive sides too that are available in and after divorce.

Search "upside of divorce" at Amazon Books and see my blogs (all of them, all 346) and see all the reviews. Thanks for a look!

Positive changes you can make will build your self esteem, confidence and the want to do even more positives for yourself and your family.

Take a look at my book below if you are interested. My book is all about the upsides.

Brian Daniel

Divorce is Very Negative but You'll See ALL UPSIDES with Brian's Book, Yes,There Is An Upside of Divorce, It Can Be Your Second Chance at Life!

My book "Upside of Divorce" (short title) is available with a discount on my tibodad@yahoo.com email and just $13 covers the 9 inch X 6 inch plus Postage,Shipping and Handling --You can save over $6 !!

You can search it on Amazon and buy it there too.

AND, A KINDLE EDITION OF MY BOOK IS NOW AVAILABLE, for just $4.99!

Here is the article, Brian

Among the plusses for the newly split is more freedom to make investment choices.

‘Tis the season, not only for merriment, but matrimonial meltdown. January is the month many folks file for divorce.

Fear not, if you find yourself in that unfortunate crowd. While divorce can wreak financial havoc on families, in some cases it can have unexpected financial benefits.

Surprise, you’re entitled: If you’re divorced, were married for at least 10 years and are currently unmarried, when you turn 62 you can receive a Social Security spousal benefit if your ex-spouse is 62 or older, says Sharon Lacy of Natural Bridges Financial Advisors in Santa Cruz, California. “If you’re married, you must wait until your spouse files for their own benefit.”

A nonworking spouse may receive a portion of the working spouse’s IRA in the divorce settlement, adds Jeffrey Sklar of Sklar, Heyman, Hirshfield & Kantor CPAs in Bellmore. And sometimes spouses forget to change their beneficiaries after divorce, and their former spouse inherits their IRA or 401(k) — “an unexpected windfall.”

Potential tax benefits: Married couples who file jointly sometimes land in a higher tax bracket and pay more in taxes once their salaries are combined. “Divorce, which leads to single filing, can mean more back in the pocket at tax time,” says Fred Schebesta of personal finance comparison site finder.com.

Become the chief financial officer: “The big positive is better control over their money — especially if their spouse had a shopping or gambling problem,” says Emma Johnson, who blogs at wealthysinglemommy.com.

Manage your retirement account however you choose. “Those that are risk-tolerant may expand their investment choices in ways that would’ve made their ex-spouses uncomfortable,” says Andrew Samalin of the Samalin Group in Manhattan.

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Can a sabbatical save your marriage? --- Independ.IE

With Louise Redknapp reported to be on the verge of reuniting with husband Jamie, Tanya Sweeney asks if a break could be the making of your relationship

Theirs has been a split with all the ingredients of a dramatic pot-boiler - a glamorous woman hitting the tiles with her new best mate; meddlesome in-laws; a reported midlife crisis; tabloid headlines and pap shots aplenty.

But Louise and Jamie Redknapp's marriage breakdown now appears to have a third-act twist that few saw coming - a possible reconciliation.

In the last few months, Louise has looked happier - certainly, more outgoing - than ever on social media. Friends claimed the former Eternal singer was 'testing' her footballer husband and that her new lease of life was merely a ploy to show Jamie what he was missing. It had been reported that the couple had been living incompatible lives as they approached their 20th anniversary, with her taste for fun and glamour a far cry from his preference for quiet nights in.

For her part, Louise has revealed that problems had been afoot as her marriage neared breakdown. But now, Louise (43) is rethinking her split, with a source telling Now magazine: "Louise has started to wobble and really misses Jamie and her family. It's all been a hard call for her and there have been times when she's felt stronger and times she felt weaker about being apart from Jamie."

So does a relationship 'sabbatical' ever work?

Dublin-based florist Stella (not her real name) split from her husband Stephen at 44 after 15 years of marriage. When they decided to reunite, everyone around them had an opinion on it: "Most of my friends thought we were fooling ourselves, that once the seal was broken it could never be repaired. Unfortunately, they were right and after a year of happiness, we did ultimately separate for good.

Looking back, I think we were merely prolonging the agony.
"We missed each other and figured there was enough good stuff there to give it a second go. And being back on date nights was amazing. But just because you think something's worth another shot, doesn't mean it will necessarily work.

The cracks started reappearing, worse than before. In the end, we both agreed that life was too short to be miserable with each other." And the official statistics make for unsettling reading. More second marriages end in divorce than first marriages. In the US, around six per cent of divorced couples remarry each other. Yet Psychology Today has stated that "a whopping 60pc of remarriages fail. And they do so even more quickly; after an average of 10 years, 37pc of remarriages have dissolved versus 30pc of first marriages".

In a recent study on couples who remarry, the reasons for doing so varied among different age groups: young couples might divorce on impulse and they chose to remarry and start again after careful consideration; older couples remarried because they needed to care for each other. About 70pc of the divorced couples remarried one another because of their children. And two out of five respondents had simply felt lonely after the divorce.

And so the question arises; is it sensible - or even safe - to return to the scene of the proverbial crime? A bottomless pit of clichés come to mind: people break up for a reason; once a cheater always a cheater; the grass is always greener; too much water under the bridge; absence makes the heart grow fonder (or at the very least, worry about the mortgage more).

"I don't think it's madness if the couple has resolved their reasons for breaking up," asserts marriage therapist David Kavanagh (marriagetherapy.ie). "Sometimes it's as simple as someone wanting to explore what it's like being single again, and they go on a date and realise that the person they were with is more suitable a companion than they ever gave them credit for.
"I've come across a lot of couples in my pre-marriage courses where they split after five or six years together, do their own things under the assumption they might get back together, and six months later, they're in for a pre-marriage course."

Those who make a habit of breaking and making up, meanwhile, should probably exercise caution.

"This couple lives off the drama of breaking up and reuniting," notes Kavanagh. "Something in their make-up means they don't feel comfortable when all is fine and calm in their relationship. If, for example, you grew up in a household and your parents had a difficult and stormy relationship, the chaos becomes like second nature. They're just not happy in a steady, boring relationship. They are addicted to the first flush of love, that rush of blood to the head that you get."

But how do you ensure that a patched-up marriage doesn't wander back into similar territory?
"They've experienced loss and grieving on such a big scale from the first time round, it's hard not to get coloured by that experience," says marriage counselor Lisa O'Hara. "Fear is important, normal and healthy because it stops people becoming complacent."

Adds Kavanagh: "[The chances of the marriage lasting] depends on how the break-up happened. If a lot of stuff was thrown around verbally and things got toxic, the damage done can result in an unhealthy reunion. But if a couple broke up via mutual agreement and they've grown apart, there's no reason why they can't reconnect."

Hoping to find a spark where one has been absent for a long time is a fool's errand, notes Kavanagh: "If you have no attraction to your partner, no amount of therapy will make this happen, and this is a mistake a lot of people make. That spark won't magically reappear just because you've gone to therapy and said it in front of a stranger."

"Long term partners need resilience to re-navigate through difficulties," says O'Hara. "But you can discover how strong you can be. If you see the relationship slipping back into old ways, you'll know not to brush it under the carpet. Doing that is the death knell."
Kavanagh also acknowledges that slipping back into familiar dynamics is an all-too-common habit for reuniting couples.

"There's a big danger of that after the honeymoon period," he admits. "The trick is to try and maintain a permanency to the changes you've made, and embedding them into the relationship. I suggest to couples they should have a contract when they get married - they should write down something legally binding about how they promise not to take each other for granted. It's like a mission statement. You get them in workplaces and they're there to help people stay on track."

He might be on to something. In her book The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage For Skeptics, Realists And Rebels, Vicki Larson makes the case for renewable marriage contracts. Conscious coupling, if you will.

Larson suggests couples take an 'emotional' inventory every seven years (or in some cases, before deciding whether or not to have children), checking that values and feelings on the big stuff like finance, having children and parenting styles still tally up. "If we had renewable marriage contracts, we wouldn't have years of mean, passive aggressive behaviour," says Larson. "You'd have to be held accountable. That's the problem with the idea of longevity of commitment above all else. Nothing holds people accountable for that behaviour."

Sunday, October 29, 2017

Do some people handle break-ups better? A psychologist explains -- NZ Herald

Woman fights for custody of son after getting pregnant while being surrogate

An American woman had to fight for custody of her biological son when she became pregnant with twins while being a surrogate for a Chinese couple.

Jessica Allen of Perris, California, was doing In Vitro Fertalization (IVF) for the Lius (named for the sake of the article) in April 2016, nearly a year after giving birth to her second son with Wardell Jasper, 34.

And after engaging in intercourse with Jasper - claiming the use of a condom - Allen returned to the hospital to discover she was pregnant with twins, reports Daily Mail.

"Not once during the pregnancy did any of the medical staff provided by the agency say that the babies were in separate sacs," she said to the New York Post.

"As far as we were concerned, the transferred embryo had split in two and the twins were identical."

But what they would all soon find out was that the at-the-time mother of two was naturally pregnant with her own child along with the Lius's through an extremely rare medical incident called superfetation.

Allen had first decided to become a surrogate in fall of 2015, six months after the birth of son, Jarius.

"'This is your chance to give a family the blessing of a child,' Wardell told me," added Allen, who is white.

"Besides, I wanted to stay at home with my sons rather than return to my job as a senior caregiver, and we decided we'd put the money toward buying a house."

Working with San Diego-based agency Omega Family Global, she was paired with the Lius and followed along with the scheduled routine until she found out she was expecting double at the six-weeks scan.

She said: "I was a bit scared, but I heard the Lius were thrilled to be having twins.

"My $30,000 payment, including expenses - which I received in installments by check each month - was increased by $5,000 for the second child.'

Allen gave birth to both boys at 38 weeks on December 12, 2016. She recalled that Mrs Liu, who was in the delivery room, was worried about the decision to have a C-section birth.

And while Allen tried to be comforting to the woman, she was upset to not be given the chance to see the babies after giving birth to them.

"I didn't even get a look at the babies when they were pulled out because it was done behind an opaque screen," added Allen.

"They were taken from the operating room before I had a chance to see them."

Communication was sketchy but on January 10, days before moving into their new home, Allen received a WeChat message and picture from Mrs Liu that said "'They are not the same, right?' followed by, 'Have you thought about why they are different?'"

Both babies were still in California at the time, so a DNA test was conducted where it was discovered that one of the boys - named Max - was actually biracial and belonged to Allen and Jasper.

Allen was told, by the agency, that the Lius wanted nothing to do with Max - soliciting $18,000 (NZD $26,148) to $22,000 (NZD $31,959) in compensation.

To their additional horror, Allen said that the agency was prepared to give her son to another family and/or allow the Lius to put Max up for adoption since they were his legal parents.

"We want our son," asserted Allen who was furious that the caseworker at Omega requested another $7,000 (NZD $10,168) for the difficulties she endured in taking care of the baby.

After spending $3,000 (NZD $4,358) in legal fees, the couple were able to get the money that they "owed" to the Chinese couple reduced to zero.

According to the New York Post, Omega's CEO, Dr. Kyle Kramer said that the company would pay the expenses for the Lius.

But because of nondisclosure agreements and federal patient privacy laws, the firm can't get into more detail about the claims for Allen they are disputing.

Their company lawyer did add, however, that the company "takes great pride in the care, attention and support that is given to all surrogates."

On February 5, Allen was finally reunited with her baby - now named Malachi - when she met an Omega caseworker in a Menifee, California, Starbucks parking lot.

Allen and Jasper got married in April and enjoy the new life with their three boys.

She added: "I don't regret becoming a surrogate mom because that would mean regretting my son.

"I just hope other women considering surrogacy can learn from my story. And that a greater good will come out of this nightmare."

While only legal in a few states, consumer surrogacy saw nearly a 100 percent increase from 2004 to 2008 of 738 to 1400 babies, according to recent reports from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology.

But, since not every surrogate birth is reported, it is unknown how many babies are actually born using the method.

Sunday, October 8, 2017

The gift of a second chance( after divorce) through music -- Eastern Eye

Another article about how a POSITIVE approaches can help you develop a POSITIVE Divorce Recovery!

This Positive is all about MUSIC !
For my own battle with divorce, music about divorce helped me a lot!

The article helped a country singer working out his divorce with his single to his fans.

You will find that you need to drop all negative thoughts before you can look and see the POSITIVE and UPSIDES for your next chapters of life!

ONE SHOULD ALWAYS TRY TO MAKE SOMETHING NEGATIVE INTO SOMETHING POSITIVE. This story turn out better than expected and may have also influenced the relationship after their divorce,

My book, mostly about the many UPSIDES of divorce, can help you to find the positive sides too that are available in and after divorce.

Search "upside of divorce" at Amazon Books and see my blogs (all of them, all 345) and see all the reviews. Thanks for a look!

Positive changes you can make will build your self esteem, confidence and the want to do even more positives for yourself and your family.

Take a look at my book below if you are interested. My book is all about the upsides.

Brian Daniel

Divorce is Very Negative but You'll See ALL UPSIDES with Brian's Book, Yes,There Is An Upside of Divorce, It Can Be Your Second Chance at Life!

My book "Upside of Divorce" (short title) is available with a discount on my tibodad@yahoo.com email and just $13 covers the 9 inch X 6 inch plus Postage,Shipping and Handling --You can save over $6 !!

You can search it on Amazon and buy it there too.

AND, A KINDLE EDITION OF MY BOOK IS NOW AVAILABLE, for just $4.99!

Here is the article, Brian.

What led you towards your latest single  Beparwaiyan?
My friends always encouraged me to sing and when I went through my divorce I used music as part of my healing process.

Tell us about the song.
The song is about my feelings and how I travelled through this crazy journey of feeling suffocated during such a painful time.

What made you want to talk about something so personal as a divorce?
I wanted to share my very relatable experience with others including my nearest and dearest. I wish I had met certain individuals sooner rather than later, who helped and guided me through such tough times. I want people to know that there will always be light, at the other end of the tunnel and hopefully achieved that with this song.

Who do you hope connects with the song?
I’m hoping to connect with people who have a pulse for music. I want people to feel my track, feel the lyrics and music.

How has the song helped you?
The whole journey has been massive for me in more ways than one. Beparwaiyan has helped me find my confidence again.

What is the plan going ahead?
The plan going ahead is for people to hopefully appreciate my work and give me the confidence to continue making further tracks.

What makes for a good song?
I’m a soulful person. A good song is one that makes you feel something, whether that is the emotion in the voice, rhythm in the sound or something else. In that regard a good song can be from any language, country or genre. If it moves you, that’s a good song.

What inspires you?
My parents are the biggest inspiration for me. They have always supported me and I can never thank them enough.

Why should we pick up your latest song?
I want you to come on a journey with me and hopefully make you feel the emotions at the heart of this song. I really want support for my music, so I am able to make more.

Why do you love music?
Music brought me back to life again and gave me a second chance. Without God and music I wouldn’t be here

Saturday, July 21, 2018

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Thursday, June 28, 2018

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

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Thursday, April 12, 2018

Thursday, March 1, 2018

'I Couldn't Get On Tinder Fast Enough...But An Actual Date...'

'My Divorce Wasn't Even Official'

'Right After My Divorce Was Finalized—And It Was So Empowering'

'Right After My Divorce Was Finalized—And It Was So Empowering'

'It Took Me Nearly A Decade'

'I Was Alone For A Year'

'The Second Our Relationship Felt Truly Over'

'Once My Kids Were A Bit Older'

'Immediately...And I Met My Next Husband The Following Year'

'I Focused On Making Friends First'

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Sunday, December 31, 2017

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

With Louise Redknapp reported to be on the verge of reuniting with husband Jamie, Tanya Sweeney asks if a break could be the making of your relationship

Sunday, October 29, 2017

Woman fights for custody of son after getting pregnant while being surrogate

An American woman had to fight for custody of her biological son when she became pregnant with twins while being a surrogate for a Chinese couple.

Sunday, October 8, 2017

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