Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Marriages come & go, Divorce is forever? NO, It is not!

A certain divorce blogger uses a title like the one above, and I believe they have it backwards.

Most marriages last a long time while divorce can be quickly had and done.

Yes, there can be long lasting effects, alimony payments, re-financing, months and years of sorrow, negative emotions, being lonely, and so forth but these, most often are shorter than the marriages, I believe.

There are some that believe that your time to move-on past divorce is 1 year for every 4 years of marriage. For me, my marriage lasted 24 years, and it should have taken 6 years for me to move-on, using this "rule of thumb" above.

But actually, my time in the divorce process and when I began to smile again was as little as 12 weeks. Six weeks or so into this time, I was checking details with a lawyer about financial stuff and he remarked that I seemed to be much better and happy compared to others at this time in divorce.

I told him that I realized that at fifty years old, I was pretty healthy, had my own house and half of the money/personal property, did not have any heart attack or depression, and was looking forward to all the new things-to-do that I was planning for after my divorce (we completed a dissolution in just 12 weeks).

Maybe I am just a rare case.

Believe me, I did have some dark desperate hours in divorce.

But when I thought about the Serenity Prayer and was reminded of changing what you can and letting go what you can't change, I took only a positive attitude from then on.

I never looked back much, and if I did, it was no more than just a few minutes at a time.



I don't believe divorce is forever. It certainly doesn't have to be. It wasn't for me.

Brian Daniel

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Self-Help, What Is This (Really)?

My website,      Self-Help-Products-and-Services.com        is all about Self-Help but I haven't explained at all what it is, nor blogged about it before. My divorce recovery book,  "Yes, There Is an Upside of Divorce" is also a self-help book. Many other products and services on my site are all considered "self-help" too.

Maybe this is a good time to explain just what I have always thought self-help is. And, here it is.....telling others what to do and how to gain a benefit or a self-improvement.

Self-help, on a variety of topics, should be clear enough, direct enough and understood well enough to go out and do it yourself, without anyone to help you..

My book, "Upside of Divorce" (for short) was aimed to others also caught up in divorce to see the  upsides of their divorce, just like I did.  And to know that they could see these positive sides too and after some time and use them too to make a happier and more enjoyable rest-of-life for themselves too!

My book has 232 pages, mostly about how to find these upsides, using my own experiences to help them see the many ways they may have to move on positively.

A reader could try to do the same new things-to-do that I did and see if those worked or helped them.
Better yet would be for them to do similar things that were important in their life.
Even better would be to use a positive attitude and go about with totally different things than I did, if that made sense to them..

A part of the self-help has to be the decision individually to "just go and try it".

For my book clients, I found that only a few of them had questions or discussed what  may be best for them and their personal circumstances. And with no real negative feedback at all to me, I would assume they did get some help from me and my book, and used their own ways to go on further.

I have used other self-help topics, like more money saving, how to invest better, golf better, improve health, fitness and more enjoyment in life too! My help, in all my products and services, are simple, direct and use good common sense too.

I do also offer to coach, if the self-help provided is NOT clear enough, direct enough and understood well enough to go out and do it yourself,

Brian Daniel