Wednesday, May 24, 2017

How to divorce-proof your relationship -- IOL



Another article about how a POSITIVE approaches can help you develop a POSITIVE Divorce Recovery!  

 You will find that you need to drop all negative thoughts before you can look and see the  POSITIVE and  UPSIDES for your next chapters of life!


ONE SHOULD ALWAYS TRY TO MAKE SOMETHING NEGATIVE INTO SOMETHING POSITIVE. This story turn out better than expected and may have also influenced the relationship after their divorce,



My book, mostly about the many UPSIDES of divorce, can help you to find the positive sides too that are available in and after divorce.

Positive changes you can make will build your self esteem, confidence and the want to do even more positives for yourself and your family.

Take a look at my book below if you are interested. My book is all about the upsides.


Brian Daniel





My book "Upside of Divorce" (short title) is available with a discount on my Self-help website above or you can search it on Amazon and buy it there too.

AND, A KINDLE EDITION OF MY BOOK IS NOW AVAILABLE, for just $4.99!




Here is the article,  Brian.




 

Happy relationships don’t happen by chance, they are created by two people who desire it, says relationship coach Kas Naidoo.

Getting divorced is easy. You stand in front of a judge and quote “breakdown in communication” as your reason and the divorce is granted. What no one tells you is that the emotional trauma governs your future choices and actions for years to come.

Over the years I have seen my personal experience of divorce reflected by hundreds of other divorcees. We look like we have it together on the outside, but a deep fear of being hurt again leads us into relationships with emotionally unavailable people so we don’t need to commit to them.




The pain and fear of loneliness is far more excruciating than we would ever let on. After all, society has trained us not to wear our hearts on our sleeves.

As a relationship coach and matchmaker, I have interviewed over 800 people and I have seen a pattern of what works for couples who are happy together and what causes relationships to break down.







We are never taught the fundamentals of creating deep, loving, mutually uplifting relationships. We get to a certain age and feel the societal pressure to get married, buy a house and have a family. Falling in love is the easy part and from this intoxicated state, we make the decision to get married. People spend a small fortune on their weddings, but neglect to plan their marriage, which they hope will last a lifetime.

The worldwide divorce rate is now 53 percent, with some countries as high as 70 percent, and none of the people who got married anticipated that it would end. After all, the fairy tales all speak of happily ever after.

How do you divorce-proof your relationship? If you are lucky enough to find someone to love, who loves you back, it’s worth the time and energy to learn about creating a deeply satisfying relationship.
If you’re in a happy relationship, never take it for granted. We all have the basic human needs of love, acceptance and acknowledgement. If you’re in a rocky relationship, are you prepared to do whatever it takes to take that relationship to a mutually beneficial place?

Some people, when faced with challenges in their own relationship, would choose to have an affair, which is never the solution and only leads to hurt, disappointment and anger. The reason people have affairs is to regain the “falling in love” phase. That dizzy sense of happiness, excitement and attraction. It makes us feel special, desirable, understood and adored.

How do we create those same emotions with the person you are with? Can you fall in love with that person again after all the arguments and disappointments you’ve experienced? The answer is yes – if you are willing to do the work.

When you meet someone you are attracted to for the first time, you see the best in them. You acknowledge the good in them and you give them your unconditional love. When you give love the other person feels elated and returns it. After marriage, the giving shifts to expectation.
Most of our expectations come from observing our parents’ marriage: “My mum cooked dinner every night, so I expect my wife to do the same”; “My dad was the provider, so I expect my husband to do the same” or variations thereof.

With expectations, each partner feels they have to behave in a certain way to get approval. When expectations or beliefs on marriage differ, resentment can set in. Where love was once being given freely, now demands are being made. This is how power struggles and arguments begin.
If you want to divorce-proof your relationship, start by making little changes that will make phenomenal shifts for you both. For the next week, notice everything that is wonderful about your partner and acknowledge them for it.

When you receive good energy, you want to give good energy back. When you see the best in someone, they want to give you more of their best.

Gandhi said: “Be the change you want to see in the world.” So if you want love, can you be loving? If you want acceptance, can you start to accept your partner more unconditionally? If you desire to be appreciated, can you give gratitude for who your partner is and what they contribute to your life?
Often it’s the little things that move your relationship in a whole new direction.

A special dinner; a massage after a long day; a hug when your partner’s feeling down; or an unexpected compliment. Happy relationships don’t happen by chance, they are created by two people who desire it.


* Kas Naidoo is a relationship coach and matchmaker. For more information on relationship coaching, dealing with divorce or finding that special partner, contact Kas on kasturi@telkomsa.net/ 082 483 9625/ www.nextlevelup.co.za

Friday, May 12, 2017

3 Reasons TRULY Accepting Your Ex Is The Only Path To Post-Divorce Happiness -- Your Tango

Another article about how a POSITIVE approaches can help you develop a POSITIVE Divorce Recovery!  

 You will find that you need to drop all negative thoughts before you can look and see the  POSITIVE and  UPSIDES for your next chapters of life!


ONE SHOULD ALWAYS TRY TO MAKE SOMETHING NEGATIVE INTO SOMETHING POSITIVE. This story turn out better than expected and may have also influenced the relationship after their divorce,



My book, mostly about the many UPSIDES of divorce, can help you to find the positive sides too that are available in and after divorce.

Positive changes you can make will build your self esteem, confidence and the want to do even more positives for yourself and your family.

Take a look at my book below if you are interested. My book is all about the upsides.


Brian Daniel





My book "Upside of Divorce" (short title) is available with a discount on my Self-help website above or you can search it on Amazon and buy it there too.

AND, A KINDLE EDITION OF MY BOOK IS NOW AVAILABLE, for just $4.99!




Here is the article,  Brian.





Why you need to STOP trying to change him —​ and how.
The worst is behind you, and the fear of divorce is no longer a fear — it's a new reality.
So why is it that when he comes to get the kids, you still feel the same anger and frustration you felt while you two were married?
Shouldn't divorcing him have solved that problem?


You really thought he would change after losing his marriage, but he hasn't.
He is still as frustrating as ever. And your interactions with your ex continue to cause you a ton of stress.
At the end of the day, you already know how futile it is to stay stuck in the same mental narrative. You need to move on. But the cycle remains the same.


How do you move on after a divorce when you still have to interact with your ex? 
There's really only one way.
In her new book, Radical Acceptance: The Secret to Happy, Lasting Love, Andrea Miller explains how people we love are types of reflective mirrors that can actually help us grow. Areas of conflict that create tension are gifts that teach unconditional love of ourselves.
Miller explains how radically accepting others starts with the concept of "Stop, Reflect, and Introspect".
"Stop, Reflect, Introspect offers you a powerful means to get outside of your emotional reactions, enabling you to quit reacting and to respond more thoughtfully and constructively to the triggers that would otherwise trip you up," she writes.

Those who learn how to radically accept their ex-spouse are able to terminate the vicious cycle that blocks their ability to have a loving relationship with others — and themselves.
Change is hard, and changes in attitude are sometimes the hardest.
Because so many people struggle with trying to move on after divorce, we asked our YT Experts to provide some sound advice and motivation.


Here are three reasons why accepting your ex  exactly the way he is now is the key to happiness in your future.

1. Choosing yourself opens the door to happiness.
“It’s crucial to remember that no matter how much you try, you can’t change other people … but you CAN change the way you react to them!
Be realistic about what you can expect from your ex, and co-operate rather than compete. Don’t hesitate to let him shine at the things he can do well. Your happiness hinges on your ability to let go of wishing things could have been different. Embrace the freedom you have now to follow your own path to happiness.”

Judi Vitale is an Empowerment Coach offering Transpersonal Coaching, Hypnotherapy and Astrology. You can get weekly astrology forecasts and learn more about her on line and in person services at her web site, and watch her blog at YourTango for more support and advice.

2. Your focus controls your direction. 
“Trying to control your ex after your divorce keeps you locked in the same drama you dealt with during your marriage.
 If you really want to be happy, stop worrying about what your ex is doing and focus on yourself and your kids. When you loosen your grip on your ex, you free yourself to live and love on your terms.”
Karen Covy is a Divorce Adviser, Attorney, Mediator, and Coach. You can follow her divorce blog on her website at KarenCovy.com.

3. Time is precious not to.
"To truly find your happiness after a divorce, you need to shift your focus from your ex to YOU.
Any time, energy or attention you are expending on your ex is purely a distraction. And that distraction will keep you stuck in an unfulfilling past filled with negative emotion.
So, focus on yourself and what will be fulfilling for YOU, so that you can move forward with positive change and reinvent your life."
Laura Miolla is a certified divorce coach and mediator helping professional women get off the emotional rollercoaster of divorce, make better legal decisions, achieve better outcomes, accelerate the process and save big money in legal fees. Click here to schedule your strategic consultation so that you can start leading in this process … and your life!