Those Early On in Divorce or Separation Can Be Desperate for Help

I was emailing a young mother who has just separated and will be divorcing her husband of ten years or so. I try and help these people a bit only because they need real assurance that all is not lost forever. I remember the deperate hours and days in those first weeks and months.

She felt very alone, was depressed and was desperate about what will happen to her and her three yound children. She has some family and friends to support her now which is good.

She, like me, is searching for some hope that things will work out while suffering with all the negative issues which are there early on.

I quickly tried to assure her that she is not alone and many of us can help with books, articles, email chat forums and so on. These will help her see that millions of people have these same problems that she does.

I pointed her to the positive ways that she can can handle the negative issues and how to get a new routine going day to day.

It will be up to her to decide what upsides she can find and use later on in her move on past divorce. I am hopeful that she will make it through divorce.

Brian Daniel

You Can Have a Second Chance at Life Without Divorce or Separation!

My first book review, which was added to my book itself, addressed how my book's positive help could be used by everyone, not just those who had suffered a negative life change, like divorce or separation.

This first book review is from GiGi Konwin from Self Help Products Review on July 22, 2008.

"Here's a positive approach to a very difficult time. Although the book is about divorce, it could easily be applied to any negative life circumstance. Grieving is a natural part of any life loss, however I've seen people that never fully recover even years after their divorce or loss. Brian was able to have a positive attitude quickly and you can too! Full of useful advice and practical examples, this book should be more about living ANY life in a positive way. Don't wait for a negative event to put his ideas to use!"

I certainly agree!

Brian Daniel

Churches Have a Problem With...... "Yes, There Is an Upside of Divorce"

I haven't received much interest in my book from Churches of any and all denominations. And, I wasn't sure why that was the case.

When trying to arrange a divorce recovery workshop some time ago, I got two quick refusals from two local churches who had available meeting rooms.

When I asked them both why they were not willing to allow me to use thir meeting room for divorce recovery discussions, they both replied that they felt my book's title and my discussions were to entice couples to divorce.

Of course, I said that was not at all my intent or message, but they said they simply could not allow anyone to think that, intentionally or not!

I have in my book a recommendation to try and reconcile at least once and at all costs, because I believe not separating and not divorcing is best!

BUT FOR ALL THOSE COUPLES THAT DID END UP IN DIVORCE OR SEPARATION, I BELIEVE TAKING A POSITIVE APPROACH TO AN ALREADY "DONE DEAL" IS THE BEST WAY TO MORE SUCCESSFULLY AND QUICKLY RECOVER.

Perhaps, a better title (albeit an even longer title) would be --
"Well, If You Already Have Divorced, Yes, There Is an Upside of Divorce and It Can Be Your Second Chance at Life! and You Can Make It a Happier and More Enjoyable Life Too, But Don't Ever Tell Your Church Minister That!"

Brian Daniel

Yes, There Is an Upside of Divorce, It Can Be Your Second Chance at Life!

Is this title contrary?
Some people have responded "there are NO upsides of divorce!"

In my case with divorce and with many other people too, divorce or separation is terrible, agonizing, devestating and can be debilitating!

But after some time of grieving, wondering who, what, when, where and how it happened, one has a choice to make. And a few questions will likely pop up for one to answer....here's those questions.....

OK, so now, what?

Do I want to continue to stew in the anger, resentment, depression and feelings of being a failure?

Can I possibly reconcile with my partner?
(If it is possible, you can try and come back here later, if not!)

Is there something else I want to try and do?


THIS IS WHERE ONE GETS TO DECIDE WHAT ONE WANTS TO DO AFTER DIVORCE OR SEPARATION.

One can continue to feel left behind, feel sorry for what happened and feel there is no hope and continue to see that "there are NO upsides of divorce!"

Or, ONE CAN TAKE THE POSITIVE ROUTE, LIKE I DID, AND DISCOVER ALL ABOUT HOW ONE CAN USE THIS SECOND CHANCE AT LIFE AND BUILD A HAPPIER AND MORE ENJOYABLE LIFE...

It is your choice.

Brian Daniel

Once Your Divorce Legal and Money Issues Are Done, Get Help For YOU!

It can take months and sometimes years for your legal and money issues to be decided and settled. You need to spend a lot of your focus and time and energy to complete these things.

Once those things are final, you then need to get some GOOD help for your personal issues with divorce or separation, which may just be starting or still need to be resolved.

My book helps you to get your personal feelings, desires, goals, new relationships and new things-to-do organized and started. You may or may not be past the negative issues of separation, bad feelings, loneliness and so on, and/or may simply need help to get going again.

Once past these more immediate issues of day-to-day living, you can then move on to the many more positive sides of your divorce or separation. My book can help you to see and find your upsides and begin to enjoy them!

Once you indeed see your change in life as a second chance at life, you can be enabled to truly make a happier and more enjoyable life than the one you have just left.

I did it and you can too!
Brian Daniel

Those Who CAN Respond Positively to an Unwanted Divorce or Separation

There are many people who can really make the best of negative events in their life. They have the where-with-all to SEE the positive sides of even devestating life changes like divorce or separation.

They embrace and learn to live with things that have happened to them, not wasting time saying "Woe is me!" but thinking and looking about for opportunities these unwanted changes can bring to them.

Most successful people in the world haven't had better luck in their lives. They have simply dealt better with the bad times that they had to endure.

Those things and times they have failed at, but learned how to do better, will enable them to BE much better for it.

Try looking for,seeing and using the upsides of your divorce or separation. You will likely have a happier and more enjoyable rest-of-life!

Brian Daniel

Seeing the Upside in Divorce/Separation Can Help Your Job / Company Too!

Business in the USA is booming again!
Are you doing your best in your job or small business?

The negative issues of divorce or separation can also affect your job performance at work, just as they can in your personal life at home.

Very similar to your being affected by an accident/injury or sickness, your negative emotions in divorce/separation can cause you to miss work and lose attention and productivity at your workplace too.

However if you can maintain a positive attitude in your personal life and get past the negative issues at home and begin seeing the upsides of your rest-of-life yet to live, you will also return to your best performances again at your job or business too.

This is obviously very important to continue good work at your job or workplace and NOT have any added troubles with your employer or your small business. You need to keep money coming in and to keep your job as well.

I know this too as I did suffer some attention and loss of focus on performances at work. These lasted several months but returned to pre-divorce times as soon as I began seeing the upsides of my divorce.

Brian Daniel

Getting Started With Your New Life After Separation or Divorce

The negative issues with divorce or separation can weigh you down every day.

The loneliness, the anger, the feelings of being a failure, low self esteem, and depression can work together to keep you down and can be hard to overcome.

Distractions like having news shows on while you are alone or listening to your favorite music, especially upbeat music, can help you to get moving again.

Once moving, you can then spend your time cleaning, exercising, finding and starting a new hobby and so on. These can help pass some time and fill many hours of your day while you are alone. These activities will be good uses of your time and you will feel better about yourself and have more confidence that you can live again after your separation or divorce.

Days and weeks of this discipline to keep moving and to stay busy doing things will lead to more satisfaction and even more self esteem for you.

Try this if you are having trouble getting started on some of those down days.

These things-to-do helped me to get past the negative sides of my divorce and got me moving on to even more and larger things-to-do which can be the upsides of divorce or separation.

I hope this may help someone to get started today.

Brian Daniel

Divorce/Separation AND Self Published Books do have Handicaps!

In your divorce or separation, do you feel you have "handicaps" that work against you? Self Published authors have handicaps too!

Like most new authors, I wanted my book to be published, but got back forty two rejection letters from forty two publishers. These are similar, and less devestating of course, than the constant repeating problems you may find in divorce or separation.

But I didn't give up. My Book was finally self published with BookSurge, a division of Amazon. I learned about self help books and did the text and page layouts by myself and my son did the front and back covers for my low budget self publishing.

Bookstores, I also found, did not want self published books. So, there was no chance for me to get a selling spot in my hometown Borders and Barnes&Noble as a local author. That was another handicap, but I did some personal selling in a grocery store, put some books in small local stores and learned to sell on Craigslist to increase my sales.

BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT MY SELF PUBLISHED BOOK IS NOT POOR QUALITY!
I HAVE RECEIVED ONLY GOOD REVIEWS SO FAR WITH NOT ONE BAD REVIEW EVER!

Additionally, I have traced my selling against another new author with a similar title who was published, and with a newer book than mine. However, I was very satisfied to find that I sold many more books in my first year on Amazon and that I continue to sell twice as many books as the new competitor there too.

I appreciate all of my buyers who may or may not know I am self published and am happy and proud to provide them with a VERY GOOD product!

So, you see handicaps in book publishing can be overcomed!
So too can you overcome the many "handicaps" you find in your divorce or separation. Don't get disappointed; with a positive attitude you can do better.

My book can help you to overcome those handicaps of your divorce or separation and will also show you the many postive ways to live a happier and more enjoyable life.

Brian Daniel

Some DO NOT BELIEVE There is an Upside of Divorce or Separation!

Divorce or separation can harden one's heart and one can seem angry about everything. When first confronted with this horrible change in life, all the negative issues make it very difficult to see anything positive!

Churches see the title of my book and are afraid it will lead others to want to divorce or separate! They do not want to mislead others in marriages that are in trouble to jump ship!

But when one faces the reality of divorce and separation and comes to grips with its inability to be changed with reconcillation, one simply has a choice to make. Accept those negative changes as best one can and then decide how you want to live the rest of your life.

If you want to have a happier and more enjoyable life, get my book and see how I was able to do it.

With a positive attitude for yourself and your future, you can do it too!

Divorce or Separation Can Provide You with a Second Chance at Life!

Your second chance at life can be a new job, new friends, a new partner to live your rest-of-life, new surroundings, new opportunities for being a better person, getting into better health and fitness, improving your attitude, seeing the positive sides of everyday life, enjoying every hour of every day, finding and making a happier and more enjoyable life than the one you may be in now!

Take your second chance at life, and embrace those new routines, try new things you always wanted to try to do. LIVE your new life with this second chance at life that was brought to you by that traumatic change in life that you have just suffered with.

Bad endings can lead to GOOD beginnings!

Brian Daniel

Yes, Divorce or Separation is horrible, But You Can Make Your Life Better!

Many folks get so far down about their divorce or separation, that they have a difficult time getting out or above of all the negative stuff. Anger, guilt, resentment, sorrow and loneliness can be a very heavy weight on your spirit.

You should take time to vent, talk through and grieve about all of this, and then forgive yourself about what you may have done wrong.

Then realize that what you can change is YOUR life, YOURSELF, YOUR future relationships and YOUR next things to do. And that you do get a second chance to have a better, happier and more enjoyable rest-of-life.

It is not this simple and each of these stages of recovery can take months and years, but YOU CAN MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER!

My book is about how you can move on with all these stages in your divorce or separation, just like I did!

You can do it too!
Brian Daniel

Uncovering The Positive Side Of Divorce

Shelley Stile sees the positive opportunities in divorce too! It is always good to see someone else who sees the same benefits of using a positive attitude in this traumatic change in life that millions suffer each year in our country. See Shelley's insights about "Uncovering the Positive Side of Divorce" below. I have a WHOLE BOOK about this! Brian Daniel



Finding thе positive side οf divorce іѕ nοt always simple, especially whеn уου feel lіkе уου′ve bееn rυn over bу a Mack truck. Bυt thе truth іѕ, divorce gives υѕ thе opportunity tο ѕtаrt over again more intelligently. Plus, whеn уου look fοr thе positive іn a situation, іt’s a lot simpler tο accept whаt life hands уου.


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Yου Cаn’t Always gеt Whаt Yου Want
bυt Yου Gеt Whаt Yου Need

Thе Rolling Pebbles wеrе іn fact very smart. Thеу wеrе dead-οn whеn thеу sang thаt уου саn’t always gеt whаt уου want bυt уου gеt whаt уου need… thаt іѕ іf уου аrе paying concentration tο whаt іѕ being offered. Whеn wе wish, pray οr hope fοr something, whаt wе іn fact mіght bе gifted wіth іѕ thе situation іn whісh tο manifest thаt gift.

All tοο οftеn, wе don’t recognize thе opportunities іn life. Wе see obstacles instead οf openings. Divorce іѕ a perfect example οf hidden opportunities. At first wе саnnοt see thе forest through thе trees. Wе аrе іn pain аnd ουr perspective οr outlook іѕ very restricted. Wе don’t realize thаt ουr divorce hаѕ many gifts οr opportunities fοr growth. Thеу аrе hidden frοm view bυt thе challenges thаt lay before υѕ аrе іn fact chances tο become thе person wе wеrе always meant tο bе.

Take Alice. Hеr marriage wаѕ nοt a рlеаѕеd one bυt ѕhе ignored аll thе signs bу thе side οf thе way. Shе dіd nοt want tο hаνе tο confront whаt wаѕ happening: ѕhе wаѕ іn denial. Shе hаd always allowed hеr husband a fаntаѕtіс amount οf freedom bесаυѕе ѕhе found іt hard tο stand up fοr herself. Shе lacked self-esteem аnd ѕhе brought thіѕ tο hеr marriage.

Whеn hеr marriage fell apart, ѕhе wаѕ devastated аnd claimed ѕhе сουld nοt know whаt hаd happened. Wіth working together, ѕhе wаѕ аblе tο face thе fact thаt ѕhе hаd bееn аn enabler οf hеr husband’s behavior. Bу nοt standing up fοr herself, ѕhе gave hіm a conservational light tο dο whatever hе wanted. In addition, bу refusing tο confront thе reality οf hеr marriage, ѕhе failed tο dο take thе de rigueur actions thаt mіght hаνе changed thе situation fοr thе better. Seeing thе truth ѕhе now сhοѕе tο take responsibility fοr herself аnd hеr life.

Alice сhοѕе tο υѕе hеr divorce аѕ a catalyst fοr thе changes thаt wουld give hеr thе life ѕhе wanted аnd deserved. Shе сhοѕе tο see thаt hеr divorce wаѕ thе perfect opportunity tο develop self-esteem, confidence аnd strength. Shе ѕtаrtеd tο see thаt perhaps, јυѕt perhaps, hеr divorce wаѕ јυѕt ѕο whаt ѕhе needed іn order tο become whаt ѕhе truly wanted. Shе hаd suffered аѕ a result οf hеr low self-esteem аnd now ѕhе found herself іn thе perfect рlасе tο cultivate thаt feature.

Whаt аrе уου seeking? Whаt dο уου need? Look around. Iѕ уουr situation rіght now a springboard towards whаt уου really want? Remember thаt уου mіght nοt gеt јυѕt ѕο whаt уου qυеѕtіοnеd οr prayed fοr bυt іf уου look hard enough, уου wіll see thаt уου mау hаνе bееn gifted wіth thе opportunity tο mаkе thе things thаt уου ѕο desire.




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Shelley Stile іѕ аn ACC certified Divorce Recovery Life Coach аnd author.

Your Becoming Your New Self is BECOMING!

Women Who Workshop

A scarf from India
A top that’s Loose around the Middle
Very, very, very Sensible Shoes
And an Unceasingly Kind expression
(The uniform of individuality).

You, the Bright-Eyed.
You, the Generous volunteer.
You, still working out That Stuff with your dad.

In hotel ballrooms and
Church basements and
Yoga studios and
Campgrounds and
Korean spas and
Montana ranches, Bahamian Beaches and the
Herbalist’s office

You are becoming.
It’s so becoming.
You, becoming.

And you’ve learned to
Bring a sweater and a
Thermos of hot water and
Lots of extra tissues.

You have stood in a circle
You have lain prostrate
Your bookshelf groans with
Helping Insightful Books and
Your Journals burst with line
After line
Documenting
Your becoming.
You’re becoming.
You are becoming.

Sensual
Intellectual
Hard-headed
Tender-hearted
(so tender-hearted)
With your Full-Moon Necklace and your
Chakra-Balancing Necklace and the
Beautiful Gold Ring that you
Hand-forged in that Post-Divorce Workshop
Out of the engagement ring from your First Marriage and the
Wedding band from your Second

Now you marry only yourself.
Standing before your Altar
You promise to
Love
Honor and
Cherish
Yourself
From this day forward.

You recognize that some might call it an
Indulgence
To spend time and money on
The Issues That Challenge You.
But those people can screw off (compassionately)
Because the Rush of
Self-realization when you finally put That Betrayal behind you
The poem you wrote about your daughter that
Still makes you cry
(And OK, fine – that delirious eight-day affair with that Yoga Guy -
Sweet Heaven he was gorgeous – and so bendy – )
Cannot be matched by anything that can be
Found inside your own condo.

You have found freedom.
You have healed your Inner Child and
Embraced your Inner Queen.
You are even developing a side-long glance
Relationship with the word “Crone.”

You are curious – becoming – laughing – becoming – stretching -
Because as the wise woman said If You Stop Stretching You Die – sharing -
Because that’s what Heaven’s Children do -
Rejoicing in your growing awareness that no Workshop Intensive
In the world is better than your own becoming
Coming to be.

© 2011 Samantha Bennett

FREE Shipping NOW through January 8th on My Website!

My book is all about my own personal experiences with divorce and how I was able to see the upsides in my second chance at life, which helped me to make a GREAT recovery. You can do it too! Thanks for a chance to help someone here today!

Help your family and friends suffering from divorce or separation by keeping them busy during the holidays. I'll offer free shipping and handling for all sales on my website through January 8th!

My book on divorce recovery is called "Yes, There Is an Upside of Divorce, It Can Be Your Second Chance at Life!" You can search "upside of divorce" on Amazon and read the great reviews I have there. I can offer you DOUBLE the book discount, that I have below, as affiliate sales through my own website and PayPal account for you and your members as you wish. Email: james@self-help-products-and-services.com

My book, …”Upside of Divorce,” has a more positive approach to divorce recovery and also goes further about how to make a happier and more enjoyable life after divorce. Book Discounts are available on my own website, Self-Help-Products-and-Services.com, where you can save $4 to $7 off Amazon’s costs.

WE ALSO OFFER A DIVORCE SUPPORT GROUP DISCUSSION YOU CAN ATTEND THROUGH YOUR PC AT HOME! See the Books and Workshop tab on my website above!

Thanks and Happy Holidays, Brian Daniel